Confessions of a Furious Mind

Welcome 2012 !

2012-01-02T00:39:00.001-08:00

Well here we are folks, 2012 is finally here. This is it! The big one. This is the year that the world ends on. Any day now we can expect the skies to open and a few horsemen ride on down bringing a wave of pestilence and death unlike the world has ever seen. Don’t think the world is headed down a decaying path due for celestial judgment? C’mon man, this is the one the Mayans predicted about and anybody who knows anything about Mayans knows they had direct contact with alien super beings that mapped out the entire galaxy for them (though you’d think they would said something about all that baby sacrificing they did) Considering the year started off with a bunch of dead birds dying (again) and another earthquake hitting Japan, you might want to reconsider denying this end of world stuff. Now before we all get swarmed by locusts and the oceans turn to blood, let’s look at what we have to look forward to before Dec 21st. 2012.

2011 was a great year in film, despite a few stinkers and what I like to call cinematic abortions™ the year had plenty of solid entertainment. We got films that offered pure escapism for people looking to forget how bad 2011 has been. With Tsunamis, countries going bankrupt, there was a need for good films and Hollywood answered. It seems Hollywood is finally be taking more care into finishing their products and that makes me even more excited for the films in 2012.

I’m sure you all have your most eagerly anticipated films , Avengers, The Dark Knight Rises, Hunger Games, The Hobbit but what I look forward to most is how I plan to approach these films. Let me explain. On Sept. 30th 2011 I made the announcement that I will be retiring my channel and no longer be reviewing films. It was a hard decision to make especially seeing the film fan community I help start starting to flourish. But it was a necessary move and since my retirement I am a new man, a stronger man, a healthier man and…a calmer man.

I started to feel a difference in my movie going experience. I had more fun with movies I knew we crap and I found myself more critical toward movies that were really …really bad. Movies like Abduction, Columbiana or Straw Dogs had me spitting obscenities as I fervently expressed how much of a cinematic failure these movies were on IMDB boards. I was more vocal about the flaws now that I didn’t have to make a review for it. I found myself less objective and more..critical.

Then it hit me. I found that there had become a big difference between Fury of the Film Fan the critic and Fury of the Film Fan…the movie goer. I realized that as Fury of the Film Fan I often found myself holding back a lot of the criticism and saying things that were more socially acceptable in the film fan community, often not risking rocking the boat. I was more concerned with being objective and providing a safe review for people rather than dissecting the film properly for audiences. I mean, I thought I was doing that but it wasn’t until retired that I realized I just wasn’t doing enough. People spend their time to see a movie, they pay money to see a movie, they deserve to hear the truth about a film and dammit…I was holding back.

But where I lack I also find happiness. I started making videos on you tube to find the answers to this very issue. I came on in 2007 to find myself, the critic I am and the critic I’m destined to be. After experiencing the highs and lows of film criticism it’s now that I finally realize…who Fury of the Film Fan truly is, a man who balances subjectivity and objectivity for its target audiences. The man who brings reviews BACK to the people has now been fully realized.

So I welcome the end of the world for I have never been more at peace with myself. I feel…accomplished.

The Day after Sept 11th

2011-09-12T04:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the 10th anniversary for 9/11. Here in New York we were on high alert since these assholes love anniversary dates. Every other block had a check point and traffic would stop to a crawl as police inspected vans, trucks and anybody looking suspicious which meant a crap load of taxis got stopped as well. ”. I stood there waiting for my bus watching the police do this for a full 40 minutes. People in the street seemed to be pleased at the measures being taken to protect them and some of them said they indeed “felt safe” (because apparently a man waiting for the bus at 12:00am is just screaming conversation starter). I thought to myself, if a terrorist went out of his way to get the materials needed to blow up a truck and himself in it I’m sure he’s at least smart enough to check traffic reports about roadblocks and checkpoints..soooo..What’s to stop him from just turning around and hitting a mall a few blocks in the opposite direction? It was a false sense of security. Truth is while we try to move on from the events that shook our lives on that fateful day we still have not recovered. We are still damaged, still angry, still hurt. So on our anniversary, a day of reflecting I ask the question where are we now? what has 9/11 taught us?

I never thought in all my years on this miserable Earth that I would have experienced something like 9/11. Manhattan is only 15 away from me; I could smell the smoke in my neighborhood. I saw the buildings go down and I like many, many others here in this city felt that sinking feeling in our stomachs. The shock of witnessing that devastating attack knowing in those buildings were people, lots of people. That day I was glued to the television while frantically making calls to my friends and family who worked in Manhattan. They were scared, they had no idea what was going on, where to go, what to do. I acted like a hub helping them understand the events that just unfolded and helped guide them to their destinations since the City was completely shut down. Some were frozen in fear thinking they were under attack, others just ran, ran as far as they could without turning back then ran some more.

At the time of the event I was living alone in a small basement. I had just broken up with my girlfriend. I made a quick call to her to check if she was ok. I knew her school was close to the World Trade Center. It's so strange, not long before I broke up with her she took me to see the World Trade Center. A New Yorker all my life and I never bothered to visit. She had me stand up against the building and look up. We stood there like a couple of kids in love, giggling, hugging and just loving life in the middle of these two massive towers. It was one of those moments you’ll see in some cliché romance movie but it was real and it was all mine. So as I sat there alone in my basement, after all the calls had been made, all my friends were safe, a few of my friend’s friends were already dead, at 3am I finally turned off the television and went to bed. There I lay thinking about that very moment, Imagining her smile as she showed me something I never experienced before and how thankful I was for that. How for my own self deprecating ways I pushed aside the one thing that made me happy in a very,very long time. Amidst the worst day in the history of days in New York, in my misery and depression, there she was again, making me happy in just a memory.

The day after Sept 11 I decided to call her and win her back. That day I made the decision to live life. That life was too damn short to worry about petty things because in an instant, some dipsh** with a religious agenda will want to make you an example. F*** that, that’s not the world I will settle in. The world I will choose to live in will contain the happiness I wish to create and once I create that happiness I vowed to relish every second of it. After some smooth moves (the Fury of the Film Fan way) I did win her back and now she’s my wife. We’re going on 7 years married and we have a 6 year old son who is the shining light in this disgusting evil world. This world that is a world that is clearly not intended for us.

And while I knew full on well that tragedy can hit us at any moment, That in a blink of an eye I can lose my wife, my son, my father or my mother, I will absorb everything good each day has to offer. It’s how I have lived my life since that attack.

Let this incredible loss be a reminder to live life to its fullest every day - Fury

The Death of the Theater is NIGH!

2011-09-07T04:27:00.000-07:00

I usually co-host live BlogTV shows with my good buddy Chris Stuckmann and during one of the shows a subscriber asked the question, “What’s the first movie you ever saw in the movie theater?”. I took a moment and sat there thinking as far back as I could to my first cinematic experience. I couldn’t pin point the exact age or the specific film. Like Moira MacTaggert’s brain after Charles Xavier’s mind wipe(Sorry for the X Men First Class spoiler but it’s a damn good analogy), I could only remember random images. Except rather than a tree or a kiss I remembered a moon a flute and Dip.

Star Wars Empire Strikes Back is one movie I remember seeing in the theaters very early. I remember seeing it with my father and uncle and I recall standing in line having no idea what the movie was about. I didn’t follow films and trailers like I do today, it was pretty damn exciting enough knowing I was going to see another Star Wars film. That night there was a full moon and for some reason my uncle started telling me the movie was going to be good because the moon was full. Of course it made no sense, the man was crazy! That’s why we called him Crazy Uncle David! But years later that movie would become one of my all time favorites and I considered myself fortunate to have experienced one of cinemas most epic twist ever on the big screen. The second image running around my mind was a flute. I went to see the animated Smurfs movie The Smurfs and the Magic Flute. One of the most unimaginative unwatchable films I’ve ever seen and I remember especially hating it because my aunt took me with all my female cousins. I think that is the day my balls dropped, the day I realized I’m not a kid anymore and I wasn’t built for sappy fluff like The Smurfs.

Mother Smurfin' POS movie

The third thing I remembered was Dip, as in the Dip used to permanently destroy anything animated in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? I saw this movie with my mother and it’s the only movie I have ever seen with her in a theater. I remember wanting to see this movie so bad. Animation and the real world FINALLY coming together, just like I always knew it would . I also remember having to use the bathroom during the movie and missing a vital scene because of it. And that was the moment I vowed to never use the bathroom during a movie ever again!

I want to say thanks to our subscriber for asking a great question and taking us back to the origins of our film fanasity. Regardless of which one of those three movies was the actual FIRST movie I ever saw in a theater there’s one thing that links them all together. It is the cinematic experience. That rush of knowing you were going to a place where you could be taken away for 2 hours. Taken away to another Land, world even another universe and that feeling was incredible.

When I was a kid, It was a different time. Things were more innocent and the cinematic experience still carried the respect of its golden years. People in general were more respectful. People knew how to say please and thank you. They also knew how to STFU during an important event. As I got older, people got worse. Today, there’s no respect for anything. The local theater stopped being a place of awe and wonder and more of a place you tried to get to second base with your girlfriend. With multiplexes opening everywhere, the theater experience invited more casual movie goers. Attracted to its cheap form of entertainment, people used theaters now as a hang out spot rather than its intended purpose. The place once viewed with awe and wonder was now more of a place you tried to get to second base with your girlfriend.

Meanwhile, technology was evolving. Cell phones got smaller and cheaper allowing everyone and their grandmother to have one. A generation of idiots lacking common sense mixed with a new technology and you have a recipe for disaster. Sure enough, cell phone using in the movie theater experience because notorious.

The quality of movie goers has sunken to a new low. People are talking more during the movie, Corporate geniuses for theaters deciding the noisiest foods will be sold, people bringing their own food stinking up the joint, people shining laser lights at the screen, throwing food and bringing their babies.Babies… It wouldn’t matter what showtime you would go to! You’re not safe from having one of these things in your screening. I have been to very loud rated R midnight screenings and there would always been some idiot parents bringing their baby in a stroller to the movie. Walking in with a certified noise maker is like giving a big middle finger to everyone who paid good money to see the movie but the parents aren’t the only ones to blame it’s the movie theater itself. They allowed this ticket to be sold. They were the ones who failed to enforce a policy, to ensure that the paying customer would get the cinematic experience they paid for. The movie theater..just didn’t care.

I have almost gotten myself into physical altercations with people who just didn’t want to shut up. I have been at the edge of my seat ready to throw down fisticuffs on some people. I have imagined all kinds of illegal violent acts in my twisted head and it was only a matter of time before someone crazier than me would take action. In December of 2008, news reported a man so enraged with someone talking during the movie “the Curious case of Benjamin button” shot the man. Since the man survived the action was heralded by many who share the same frustrations. Take back what was taken from us! Give us back what we love. I personally think the guy was nuts, the movie wasn’t that good.

Talk in the movie? you COULD get shot!

But its 2011 now and the cinematic experience is worse than ever. So when Kevin Smith released his movie Red State for on demand purchase weeks before a nationwide theatrical release, I praised the move. Fantastic! Huzzah! While his movie is a “limited” theatrical release the move is still a bold, gutsy and solid brass balls one. Things need to change, Studios spend millions on Marketing to get us to say “ I got to see this movie right now” and when we can’t when life calls when responsibilities beckon we have to wait months to see it on DVD or even longer when we want to rent it. Why does it need to be like this?

Wouldn’t it make more sense for studios to take advantage of all their marketing investment when the films interest is at an all time high and get us the film any way possible? With the digital revolution already here why shouldn’t we be able to rent the movie on our set boxes and watch it on the comfort of our living rooms or even our computers? Piracy you say? Pshhhh PLEASE. That issue is dead; people who pirate have no intentions of going to the movies ANYway so studios shouldn’t be claiming lost revenue on money that doesn’t exist. That’s bitching about Monopoly money, It’s all theoretical loss.

Fine you want an easy solution just to cover the issue of piracy? In this digital age it’s not hard to apply unique watercolor codes to each film that’s purchased for rental in someone’s apartment. Linked together with your IP address very few people are going to know how to spoof their IP/CODE. Companies will know where you live, they know you’re watching their film and they’ll know if that particular copy is being bootlegged.

Kevin Smith ...a visionary

An average family man with 2 kids just doesn’t have the money these days to drop 80+ on a single movie experience. If you offer him the option to watch the movie in advanced for 1/3 of the price he’ll be more inclined and there you go! People giving you money for your movie that in normal conditions you would not have gotten. If you’re worried about your Demographic making parties to see the screening rather than pay for the more expensive tickets then release this option to us on the second or third week of your nationwide theatrical release! All the people who wanted to go to the movies already went, so what’s the big deal?

Movie Theaters are dying. I give them a few more years and that’s it. 3D will crash and burn and all those 3D televisions will be useless. 3D movies will go the way of HD-DVD. In a few years you’ll hear reports of a drop in movie theater attendance and of course moronic studios will blame piracy once again, media will blame the economy. Rampant finger pointing will be everywhere from people who refuse to acknowledge change.

I welcome this change. I would love to see The Avengers in the comfort of my living room in my underwear, with a foot long meatball sub and a corona. It’s what I think about when I am in a movie theater, why can’t I be in my underwear right now, fast forwarding through 20 min of previews. I want this option, I will gladly pay studios to see a movie in the comfort of my own home. Humans always ruin everything I like. There’s a perfect storm brewing. Studios refusing to change their business model, moronic people ruining the cinematic experience with their bad habits and the theaters that welcome those idiots with open arms. It’s all over…

Dear Tom

2011-08-23T04:48:00.001-07:00

Dear Tom,

Hey buddy! How’s it going? Man it’s been a while. When was the last time we spoke? I remember! It was around the time me, OrionSyndicate and Joblo.com had in our own ways exposed you for plagiarizing movie reviews! Man those were good times eh? I remember them so well. How you rushed to delete all your videos before action could be taken against your channel. You know, That really upset a few people who wanted to take legal action against you, but alas, the tools of You Tube never really helps defend intellectual property it just covers their own asses.

Well a lot has happened since then. You’ve become the punchline of many jokes, which is what usually happens when you do something so stupid as to steal another person’s opinion and try to sell it as your own. Another person’s opinion… Really? We all had a good laugh about that. You were on your way too man, I remember seeing your channel and wanting to help you get some exposure to do as much as I could to help. I actually liked your videos at one point, can you believe that?

But as Monica Belluci said in the Matrix Reloaded..Such things are not meant to last. Not when you discover the person you subscribed to and recommended to others isn’t even real. Who is he? Who is this FilmXtra guy? I had no idea anymore. Then my sadness turned to anger when people would catch you in lie after lie trying to do some damage control and contain a situation that already got out of your hands. You know what? It wasn’t so much the “mistake” of plagiarizing movie reviews but it was your attitude about the whole thing. Your response, your indifference to the matter hell even your apology in the email you sent those guys was a joke.

Now some of your friends are trying to defend you, trying to give you a second chance but they weren’t there to see your attitude. To see your real attitude. It was pretty bad dude, hitting up the live shows and cursing me out, telling me it wasn’t any of my concern, that I should never have gotten involved and the real kicker, That it wasn’t a big deal and nobody got hurt. It dawned on me that you were completely delusional.A crazy person! You had this haughty attitude that I completely despise in a person.The kind that act like their offended because other people are offended with something they did to offend.

I especially liked when you threw my “Fan of the Week” video back at my face saying it barely got any views thus insinuating that I really didn’t do anything to push your channel because it didn't get thousands and thousands of views. yeah it didn't get much views, Well not as much as your boys Jack and Dean there could with all their subs. Guess that’s why you’re so chummy with them. You were so thankful too! that someone was reaching out, how your true character came out. I know wsup, You didn’t see your channel as a window into the minds of the audience but as a venue, a place where business can be done. You stopped seeing subscribers as people, but as CPM added to Ad sense. No, nobody was there to see how you ranted and raved and trolled me because I made a video about your actions. Your anger was channeled toward me rather than to yourself because the only person to blame here is you.

I'm not innocent of the fact that I got my jabs in, It was a blast talking about your epic fail. What can I say, you can't get mad at people reacting to things you do to make them react. But...It’s been over a year now, I never made another video about your channel, I could have, I could have milked that mofo dry. I could have written tons of blogs about it I could have ensured that every time someone searched for FilmXtra one of my stories would come up. But it was a pretty dead issue. That is until you popped your head begging to be a part of the You Reviewer awards. You didn’t think I was such a part of the community, well while you were trying to recover from being exposed I was busy bringing together a film fan community. It’s the only thing I take credit for. I may not review as many movies as you guys but I sure did bring people together and that made me happy and I was happy for all their success as well. One of my favorite people, Jeremy Jahns, I told him he was gonna blow up. Back at 1k subscribers. Now at 45k the man is living the dream and I couldn’t be happier for him.

It was pretty pathetic asking the Schmoes Know over and over to be a part of their You Reviewers. It was me who told them about you but it was their decision not to give you a chance. Why? Because they didn’t see any sincerity in you. Not including you was their call and they saw what I had seen for a while, you were not a reviewer for the people. You are just out for yourself. You attach yourself to anything that can help you get more subscribers. Oh you might share a pint with your CheekTV pals but in the end, you just don’t meet the criteria of a reviewer for the people.

Then it happens. I start getting trolled hard and every single time it was someone saying that I was going to finally pay for my "ego". Soon after these trolls had their trolling ways with me I was hit with a copyright claim on the video I made exposing you. Coincidence? One would be a fool to think so. If you were really looking for a second chance buddy you should have been a man, talked to me, expressed your desire to move forward and request my video be removed. I would have respected that. I would have most likely done it. To me I was willing to let things move forward. But your attitude, your intentions, your slimy antics that your personal feelings are what keeps you from moving forward. You're just too stupid to see it that way.

Try to take down my video that falls under Fair Use?? Bitch Move

Your intention was to hurt my channel, to pay me back for telling people what you did. this isn't a copyright issue. That video was dead, no comments for over a year, no views. Your intention was to hit my channel and release all those personal feelings you have toward me. Oh I know what they are, you think I think I’m better than everyone else, you think I have an ego, you think I’m pretentious..I know I know..shhhhhh…listen…I could be a real asshole but in the end, I didn’t steal reviews. You did.

So while I wait for our little issue to be worked out, if it ever does I have no idea…I am thinking of only one thing. Your little snarky British brethren over there sent me a message saying you deserve a second chance. Second chances are reserved for people who seek forgiveness, you tagging my channel is what we in America call “A Bitch Move” and you have not manned up on any of these issues.You stay quiet,letting other people chime in. I and many others feel strongly about this issue. I will not let it drop until things are properly cleared up, you know, me being a man of morals and all, it’s a pretty big deal, and we gotta keep this community clean. They tell me you’ve been getting spammed and harassed, I can’t speak for what people do, hell, I get trolled all the time as well. People will react on what they believe but if I have ANYTHING to say to you..or this issue I will be saying it under my name…like I always have because real men don’t hide anything

Sigh…if only you were smart enough to know how to handle this. I was done with you and you go and open a can of worms all over again. You have more to lose than I do Tom, my channel there is only a hobby, you’re the one trying to build a business on this movie reviewing thing. I don’t have a name to defend; you do, if you were a smart man you would have handled this professionally and with a softer touch. Your friends think I’m bullying you when they don’t see I’m only reacting to your actions…
Here’s my promise Tom…two things will happen. If you don’t retract your claim on my channel, every single studio/PR office in London will know about your companies’ history and most likely blacklist it from press screenings. I can do it, I have the contacts. You forget I used to be a “real” film critic, don’t force my hand. It’s not a threat, because a threat would come to mean that I would be doing something to your channel to intentionally slander it but reporting fact is not wrong, especially when you did it to yourself, I’m just reporting the facts to the people who need to know the truth. If the claim is retracted then we go back to where we already were. With you hating my guts and wishing me dead and me with a small little video that allows people to either take the red pill or blue pill because I believe a subscriber has the right to know who he or she is subscribed to. You will be able to slice yourself out a piece of the internet there, a little slice of subs that don’t care about quality and standard in their reviews and just want a cheeky face to look at for 5 min. That could be you!living the dream man! living the dream.. So the option is yours. It always was.

Yours Truly
Fury of the Film Fan

Fury's real life Final Destination

2011-08-19T12:07:00.000-07:00

On Aug 12th at 11:00pm the alarm on my phone rang notifying me it was time to go to work. I packed my gym back with all the things I needed for the day, food, change of clothes, my iPod and my pack of prescription pills I need to take so I can stay on this Earth just a little while longer. I was about to leave when my son woke up asking for some water. I put down my gym bag, reached for an empty glass and poured him some cold water. Half asleep and eyes closed, he reached out and grabbed the glass while giving me a groggy thank you. To ensure he didn’t trip over himself in his current sleepy stupor I walked him to his bed and lied down with him for a few minutes until he fell back asleep. I kissed him on the forehead, tucked him in and quietly made my exit.

As I got to the corner of my block I saw my bus zoom right by. I just missed it, damn. Now I had to wait at the bus stop which was conveniently in front of a restaurant/club that was blasting some kind of techno and had the more stereotypical club meat heads you could imagine, complete with matching gold necklaces. I waited on the bus stop for another 10 minutes before the next one came. It was a quick ride as it should be in New York in the middle of the night. Just before the bus stop to my job I could see lights flashing from what looked like every direction. The bus couldn’t make his turn so he left me in the corner. As soon as I exited the bus I could see what just happened. Right where the bus stops was a terrible accident. A cab car mangled around a pole, glass and broken bits of metal and plastic all over the floor and right there, a few feet away from me were three bodies lying motionless, except for one guys hand that was twitching.

Only a few feet away...from death

There was an eerie silence as people close by saw what I saw, bodies positioned in ways the human skeleton was not designed for. Quickly fire fighters and EMT’s contained the area and moved people back. From what I could make out, the Taxi driver tried to make the red light while the victims had already started to cross the street. I knew this would happen one day, I myself have had my share of problems with this particular street, getting into altercations with cars eager to make a turn lacking consideration for the pedestrian.

As I stood there, looking at these bodies react to the shock they have just experienced, my heart sank; I was unnerved. We tend to get desensitized when we see a lot of graphic material in movies but seeing three dying bodies in person..I don’t know… it does something to you. Then it dawned on me, I realized the timing of the accident occurred only a few minutes before I showed up. If I took the earlier bus, the one I was supposed to catch had my son not stopped me for water, there is a good chance I would have been standing at the very pole the taxi hit since that is the same pole I would often stand by before crossing the street.

How close was I? I mean the window of chance here is pretty small. It made me think of Final Destination. While Final Destination’s hook is the controlled tension and the dramatic death sequences it manages to paint in every film it’s also a reflection of how delicate our lives are, how little control we have toward our own fate. It’s how we can’t avoid the inevitable, the unforeseen circumstances and it’s a reminder for me that at anytime at anyway something can happen. We’re all on borrowed time here. Watching a movie like this helps me appreciate life a little more. It helps me see things clearer. Focus more on priorities and less on the trivial. Oh and how my life manages to get filled with the trivial.

I look at the senseless violence by that maniac assassin in Norway who managed to convince his defective brain that killing all those kids was justified. I look at that stage that fell in the Indiana State Fair and crushed all those people. You never see it coming and as much as you try you’re never ready for it.

I went home that day…and as my son ran to me to welcome me home like he always does, I picked him up and hugged him just a little longer…just...a little longer.

William H Macy is my Grandfather!

2011-04-10T05:03:00.000-07:00

Well not officially,he just plays a character that is a carbon copy of my late Grandfather. I just finished watching Showtimes's version of Shameless starring one of my favorite actors.I love this show! Yeah people tell me the UK version is better, if that is the case I dunno, it just might blow my F****ing mind cuz this American version is faaaantastic! It's also the first time I stand corrected with a claim that a certain actor can't act. Justin Chatwin, wow... I loathed Justin Chatwin with a passion, I told everyone the minute he was attached to the live action Dragon Ball Z movie that it was going to be a cinematic abortion. Nobody believed me, they still thought Fox actually cared about the fans...the fools. But Chatwin is in fact a GREAT actor and in Shameless it's clear he was only being held back by directors who had no idea how to utilize him...the fools!

One of the things that kept me glued to this series is the incredible performance of William H Macy, playing Frank Gallagher. Father to 6 kids and a complete F*** up. His portrayal of a selfish, swindling, bottom feeding, raging alcoholic is spot on and reminded me of my own step Grandfather. Every single time Macy is on the screen screaming drunken rants I would say to myself," My God, that is my Grandfather"

A degenerate drunk, my Grandfather was known by the whole neighborhood. Like Frank, people accepted him for his disgusting ways and merely ignored him when he was passed out in front of the local church. Born of Cuban descent he came to this country and got a job as a Barber. You would think the patience required to cut hair would have a calming effect but he was always an angry man, as young as I could remember he was always yelling and fighting. I often wondered why my Mother put up with a man who did absolutely nothing to help raise her and her sister.I guess it's one of those "things". One of the funnier stories of this tragic tale would be how my parents would take me to get hair cuts from this man. What kind of parent takes their child to sit and submit to the hands of a shaking drunken fool with scissors??? Thankfully the madness stopped (and my fears confirmed!) when the moron cut my ear. I never understood that choice, perhaps my mom was trying to keep some kind of window open for me and him. That in allowing him to cut my hair was in a way quality time that would someday flourish. Maybe we'd go fishing and talk about the old times and the ear cuttings and laugh,laugh...laugh. That's the only reason I can think of now because I have hair impossible to cut with scissors, so..yeah..that HAD to be the reason...right? Sadly what my mom never could admit to herself was that he ever wanted to be a part of our lives, especially mine.

One day, when I was 14 years old I passed by to see my aunt whom I was closer to. It was about three in the afternoon and my Grandfather had already finished a bottle of Jack. He would mumble to himself and pace back and forth around the house until he stopped, faced my direction and proceeded to rant about my mother. The filth that came out of this man's mouth still angers me till this day. So I finally lost it and told him off. Looking back it was probably one of the defining moments that made me the confrontational man I am today. Of course arguing with a drunk is like beating a dead horse and he charged at me,a 300+ man coming at a scrawny 14 year old. My aunt held him back and there I was standing tall like that kid from 300 ready to take on that wolf. There is no doubt he wanted to fight me, the rage in his face said it all.

I believe alcohol brings out who you really are and my Grandfather's reaction to me telling him to basically "f*** off" was the reaction stemming from years of resentment. A deep seeded hatred that had developed toward my mother, all her success and her offspring. I left that day only to show up again years later....when he was dead.

I shed not a single tear for the man. Why should I? The man did absolutely nothing for us as a family and did nothing worthwhile for his own life. He only existed and just like that he is nothing more than just ashes back to the ground. There is one thing I got from him. Thanks to his fine example of alcohol abuse I stood away from the stuff growing up for fear I end up hooked on it and laid out around the neighborhood pissing my own pants like dear ol' Grandpa did.

William H Macy must have channeled something dark for this character and I would love to ask him what he's done to channel that. Every look he gives are the looks I witnessed myself growing up from a man who hated life. Season 1 just finished and I can't wait to see more.On another note,thankfully my father is still alive and the best Grandpa you can ask for.I know he saw what went down with my Grandparents and while we've never officially spoken about it I am sure he knows how I feel about the whole situation. It's almost like he's made it a point to be the total opposite. I have more stories about my other Grandparents and more adventures but that's another story for another time.

Can Kids be Film Critics ?

2011-03-29T03:51:00.000-07:00

Take a look at that face.Looks like your average cute kid bragging about receiving a copy of Pixar’s wonderful UP film for Christmas. He probably was an especially good little boy that year, just look at that carefree, innocent little smile. I mean, aside for the crime of wearing that green turtle neck, he looks like your typical average kid …right?

WRONG…now look at this.

Jackson Murphy, aka Lights, Camera , Jackson calls himself the Kid Critic. He has been reviewing movies for a while now and one of the first questions you must be asking yourself is, WTF? Well, ok, the second question you must be asking is he for real? Yup, Jackson is very real and while it’s been challenged apparently he does write all his own stuff. It looks weird to see a kid that young so fluid and calm in front of the camera even if its super annoying for the rest of us. Jackson has been on numerous television programs and eventually landed a gig with the Early Show on CBS. It’s my belief that this is nothing more than a classic case of nepotism. Someone in his family must be a producer or something and has to keep his trophy wife happy so he agreed to pamper her kid through a career so he can keep playing Golf on the weekends with his Harvard buddies. I'm 95% sure that is the case.

While it is the belief of Fury of the Film Fan Productions that anybody can review movies, I don’t like this kid and I’ll tell you why. It’s not because I don’t believe he can’t review movies, It’s because he’s a parody of a film critic. I’m going to be super careful with what I say next because frankly, I don’t agree with people calling him an annoying little asshole, he’s just a kid and people seem to forget these kids have some pretty volatile emotions. I don’t know if Jackson is being himself, if that whole show is done with a sincere attitude or he’s just acting like what he thinks a critic acts like. I tend to feel the latter is the case. I don’t know…what I do know is what he’s written. His perspective, everything he says about what he feels regarding film, this is what I analyze. While everyone else is paying attention to his delivery I’m listening to his words and I don't like what he has to say.

As in the case with his inception review, found here.

I'm not gonna give this kid Sh** for not liking a movie that mostly everyone loved. He has a right to not like something that's labeled popular and kudos for him sticking to his guns. My problem is Inception is not a hard movie to follow and the fact that this kid could not follow the story well enough to give an objective review for the audience is what makes him a poor film critic. Sure he spits out the proper phrases every accredited film critic uses to sound bona fide but he clearly lacks the perceptive capabilities that allows a person to give an objective view for the audience. "Oh but he's just a kid giving his opinion" you say?, Which leads me to my next complaint.

There is a wave of interest in film criticism today. It used to be film criticism was reserved for journalist trying to get their foot in the door toward "real" journalism or someone pissed off the boss by checking out his daughters ass or something like that. Just run a quick search on You Tube and you’ll find tons of people reviewing movies and a large portion are made by kids.

This is mostly a good thing. Kids being productive is always a good thing and learning to express their opinions in coherent ways is absolutely awesome.I hope my own kid follows this path and reviews stuff. But like everything that attracts youth to a certain group you have your downside to this. I have seen a few kid critics that would favor films like Enter the Void or Citizen Kane over Scott Pilgrim or Empire Strikes Back as their favorite films. It leaves me scratching my head, wondering if these kid critics are really into these deeply profound films as their favorites or are they just assuming that a more obscure film choice preference equals a more respectable film palette for others who are watching. Whatever it is, it just doesn't feel right.

One of the saddest things I see is something that often happens to any film critic. The pretentiousness that is usually attributed with the title. Sticking the nose in the air and looking down at people who don't like the finer films that they do. Older critics can hide this attitude a bit better but it's easy to spot on someone with less experience. Overreactions to films deemed "terrible" leaves them writing something that resembles something more of a rant than a review. Look I don't wanna hear that whole "everyone has an opinion bulls***" If you call yourself a critic then you have a job to do and that job is to review for the people

Again, my criticism is toward those who look to professionally roll as an official critic, most kid critics just want to have fun and they should. It's a great feeling to share an opinion with others about something you sincerely love. With this attitude I don't care if their reviews are emotional rants cuz its kids being kids. I hope that these kids continue to enjoy film and all it entails and not forget to enjoy movies just for it's fun factor as well. I also hope that they don't forget that people will like other things than them. One man's Independence day is another mans Taxi Driver and a critic should always try to review a film for its target audience. A good critic knows how to share his opinion while gauging the film for who it's intended and all the while give everyone a realistic expectation of the movie being reviewed.

What happens when an irresistible idiot meets an immovable moron?

2011-03-23T03:29:00.000-07:00

Yes! Another video showcasing how ridiculous the New York Subway can be has been released to the masses via You Tube. This time the video captures an argument between a woman annoyed at two other woman eating food in a train and the fight that resulted. First I must say the video was fantastically shot. No significant shaky cam, the cameraman positioned the camera appropriately to who was speaking and even panned out enough to allow the fight to be completely shot so Kudos goes to the camera guy!

Since the video has gone viral, debates gave erupted. Many speculate the true intention of the fight claiming racism (it's not) to what the MTA really is capable of enforcing in its disgusting limited corrupt system( not much). If you haven’t seen the video yet check it out here.

The video doesn’t show a lot of what happened before the two women were called animals. You can hear one of the women making a comment about how she didn’t appreciate being looked poorly upon for eating food in the train. It's been said that the two eating food where shouting at everyone in the train claiming they didn't care what people thought of them eating in the train while taking up 3 seats. So it seems their douchebaggery was directed at everyone initially and eventually became focused when the only one to speak up was the white woman directly across to them. She calmly noted their inconsideration which was clearly apparent and then called the animals. Some have claimed that the white woman’s comment calling them “animals” for eating in the train was racist, let me clear up that matter for you immediately. That was not a racist comment and this was not a racist situation. This is nothing more than the story of two inconsiderate dumbasses who were looking to fight and a woman who didn’t know when to shut up, nothing more.

That doesn't mean the woman who expressed her displeasure at the food consumption didn't do anything wrong. In fact she did something I absolutely loathe; she displayed an annoying passive aggression we people with attitude cannot STAND. She sat there running her mouth expecting people to take it, convinced that she was justified in ruining THEIR dining experience the way they were ruining HER riding experience. While she was right about them being a pack of animals unable to hold their hunger and eat in a better, cleaner location, passive aggression should get you at least a double slap in the face. Once going and once coming back for good measure. Why? I'll tell ya why...

Passively aggressive people just HAVE to say something. They imagine things going down differently in their head and they find pleasure in regulating others while elevating themselves. It's super annoying dude. Hey, "don’t’ write a check your ass can’t cash" is what I always say and from the looks of how poorly she handled herself in the arena, looks like she zigged when she shoulda zagged outta there. The minute you say something about anything to anybody you have to be ready to back it up OR gtfo. That's the New York way.

As for the two idiots stupid enough to eat on the train, I hope they were at least arrested. People like that need to learn how to act and stop trying to bully others with that ignorant ghetto attitude. They went in that train with an “I don’t care” attitude. My beef is, well if you don't care what people think then that means they should not have cared when people didn’t respond favorably to them eating, plain and simple! They disrespected the people around them and where I am from if you want respect you gotta give respect. The lack of control these two women displayed when they got up and attacked a woman based on just words cannot go untested. Grow the hell up Ghetto trash, grow the hell up.

I have often told my wife that if was not for my family, I would be a vigilante. I would patrol the subways and deal with people like this accordingly. The morons who ate the lo mein and the passive aggressive dumbass who couldn’t shut up and just HAD to say something or she’d burst.This is what I would have done. I would have told the white woman to mind her damn business , get up and move to another side if it bothered her so much, stop acting like a seat in a train is a priceless comodity. I swear I have seen people sit in a train with stinking homeless people just so they have a seat. Get up and MOVE! stop thinking your voice is going to change these people, either do something about it or shut UP. Then I would have turned to the two women eating and called them rats,I would have used the term Rat because rats eat in the subway, thus answering the woman's question "what kind of animal eats in the subway?" the answer, Rats! which you two women are! Then the minute they called me names I would have gotten up and pulled that emergency stop that everyone wonders what its used for. I would have then waited for the MTA to respond since they have to go train by train to see what the issue was and asked for them to call the police so they can be there waiting for me while when the train stops at its station. I would have then accused the two women of harassment and told the office I felt my life was in danger, they would have been arrested and I would have purchased my own Lo Mein that very night and laughed and laughed as I think about the inconvenience those inconsiderate morons had to deal with being arreated. Yup, that's what I woulda done!by the way..Lo Mein is delicious.

Life is like a box of chocolates, sometimes it's full of SUGAR

2011-02-22T01:32:00.000-08:00

Adjusting to type II Diabetes has truly been a challenge. Every few hours I am checking my blood sugar levels, holding my breath and hoping for the best as I watch that meter count down till it ultimately reveals where my sugar is at. If I'm between 120-140 I'm happy and the next few hours I'm in a good mood. If I made a mistake in eating something I shouldn't have and it's beyond 200 I get depressed and the next few hours I'm pissy and yelling at stupid things like why the remote doesn't change the channels on the TV fast enough.

It's incredible how much stuff out there is bad for you. Maybe you have seen this commercial.

The image of a sports drink shook me. I was downing Gatorade all night at work before I knew I had Diabetes. One particular bottle I used to favor had 14g of sugar. I looked closer to see the bottle had 4 servings which means I was drinking in 56g of sugar in one bottle! People might say the Gatorade drink has other things that help people who are working out but holy cow man that is a frak load of sugar. That's just the drinks that is not even touching the overuse of sodium and saturated fats in our foods. I'm telling ya, it's a real challenge to keep it together when your only selection is Burger King or Cinnabon.

I find comfort in knowing a few things. 1)I have an affliction that affects millions of people. I would hate to have something Doctors don't even have a name for yet. 2) I live in a developed nation where not only is there a ton of information readily available for just about everything but tons of stores that provide healthy alternatives for food and 3)I'm surrounded by so many passions that I can't help but adhere to the recommendations of my Doctors.

Recently I visited Washington DC with the family, a wonderful trip that helped my son expand his mind in a way that his shitty school can't even come close to. It was an amazing experience to see so many exhibits and landmarks filled with history. One of the things I found myself doing was every so often stopping my wife to tell her what movie was filmed wherever we were standing. From Independence Day to Forrest Gump to Night at the Museum I was full of fun facts and I realized, I LOVE film. It flows through my veins and embodies my soul. I'm sure my wife appreciates that I'm not some film fanatic know it all douchebag who just doesn't shut up about movies but someone who can just appreciate the art of story telling.

It's this kind of passion that keeps me going because I yearn for the next great story, that next great film that leaves me smiling. It's this passion keeps me from turning into some jaded film buff who just hates everything that comes out and is always expecting the worst or constantly bitches at Hollywood at their lack of originality.It's this kind of passion that keeps me going to the gym to control this disease so I can see the films of tomorrow with my loved ones, So I can see the next Pixar film with my son or the next Mummy adventure starring Brendan Frasier with my wife and it's this kind of passion that doesn't let me order a Burger King whopper meal that can potentially raise my levels to the point where I can risk blindness. To be unable to see the movies I enjoy so much...is unimaginable.

I look at someone like the Movie Preview Critic who always seems so angry and disappointed with the way Hollywood conducts its business. I look at VaughnFry who makes it a point to specifically look for something wrong in a film just because he thinks that is what a critic is supposed to do. Why waste so much energy on bashing film? both these guys have real talent and you can tell there's some real love for film there so why so much hate? No we don't have to enjoy every movie that comes out and no I don't hope for people to sing around singing kumbaya to the latest cross dressing Martin Lawrence film but I do hope for people to find a balance in their passion.

Clearly not everything will be good for you but some people love that diet. Let people have these "flicks" that are like the cupcakes and ice cream that are now banned from my diet.I shall sit patiently waiting for my meal to cook, the healthy choices, the grilled chickens with the side of veggies, the Black Swan's or the True Grit's of tomorrow. Mmmmmm...delicious.

Fury almost dies….seriously

2011-02-09T00:10:00.000-08:00

For some time I had been fighting the Flu. I had all the symptoms of the wretched Influenza. I had fever, chills, vomiting, fatigue, all that good stuff. I was trying to push through the cold like any other cold refusing to allow it to mess with my schedule. I had no time to be sick so I pumped my body full of over the counter meds and chugged as much orange juice I could.

At some point I developed a sharp throbbing pain on the right side of my abdomen. It lasted a few hours then after more vomiting the pain moved to the top of my abdomen right under my right boob. For a while I thought the pain came from a muscle I might have hurt while throwing up. After a few hours the pain only worsened and I found it increasingly more difficult to breathe. Ever single breathe I took now felt like someone was stabbing me from the inside.

I stupidly refused my wife’s offer to take me to the hospital. I am known for being stubborn, this was me at my worst. I made excuses playing down the amount of pain I was in as if desperately trying to convince myself the situation wasn’t that serious. I was in complete denial; basically lying in bed kicking my heels wishing there was no place like home.

I went to work that night and between my home and my office, something happened to me. The pain on my side was now unbearable and then it happened. I started coughing up blood. I freaked out and went to the Hospital that was only 4 blocks away. Triage saw me and saw I had a heart rate of 144. That’s near heart attack status and it was because my body was under so much stress trying to breathe it was working over time. Even though other people were waiting to be seen I saw a Nurse pull up with a cot just for me. She told me to lie down and I was immediately wheeled into the ER where a team of Doctors were waiting for me.

I don’t know what I expected, I thought maybe the Hospital would just find an infection and give me some pills and I would have been out in a few hours but once I saw that cot for me, I knew I was in trouble. I initially told my wife I had everything under control but once in the ER I started to panic. I called my wife to be with me. I’m a man, a manly man but there is only so much a man can take and when you’re lying there with 15 tubes coming out of you, you reach a breaking point and if I was dying, I refuse to die in a room full of strangers.

30 hours later in the ER they finally regulated me. The official diagnosis would be Influenza, which led to Strep Pneumonia and complicated by a recently diagnosed Type 2 Diabetes condition. It was the perfect storm. I had no idea I was diabetic, I knew it ran in my family but I thought I was years away from even getting near to Pre-Diabetic. I felt relatively well, so I was shocked when I found out my sugar level was at 430. I basically should have been in a coma. Due to the Diabetes I was extremely dehydrated and the Diabetes only complicated the Pneumonia. I had 103 fever, chills, I was disoriented, incoherent and dizzy. I couldn’t eat and for 2 ½ days I ate nothing at all.

With all the pain I couldn’t sleep, so for 2 days I didn’t sleep. The lack of sleep made me loopy. Everything together made for one hell of a bad time. I spent the next few days in a Hospital room shared with 3 other people. I had privacy, but what a horrible lonely experience. I’m just happy I was diagnosed with something relatively popular. I don’t want to be the guy who has something nobody else has then it’s named after me. “Type 3 Diabetes, The Fury Levels”, noooo thank you.

Now I’m on anti-biotics, working on a solid diet to combat the Diabetes and making sure I listen to my body and never ignore it like I did ever again. I’m also doing what most people do after living through a life-threatening situation; loving life. So often many of us get consumed with the trivial, we get worked up over things that are relatively small. Problems that can easily be taken care of if we just prioritize and just realize life is just too short to be worried about minor issues.

As I sat there in the Hospital bed, looking out of my 16th floor window at 3:00am, I realized I was no longer concerned with things I can’t control. Health, Family, Love, that’s what is most important and if you don’t have those things then you aren’t living life.

Can a faceless critic succeed?

2011-01-16T03:32:00.000-08:00

I hate attention whores. Every other video on You Tube is some ShaneTardDefrancoRayWilliamiJustine whoring it up and saturating You Tube with hideously boring videos. Yet people flock to them because...well I have no idea! Why does FRED have over 1 million subscribers?! Its crazy I tell you! CRAZY! It's the world we live in, this backwards idiotic world. I guess people seem to flock to these channels because it makes them feel safe. You can't tell me DeFranco is SO interesting that one just can't wait for his next video. No, the people go to DeFranco because he's a familiar face, he's like that bar "CHEERS", people just wanna go where they know someones name. So what if the video is as flat as two week old hipster ALE, they feel comfortable there. They know what they're gonna get and seeing every nuance in their goofy faces warms their little bellies and keeps them coming back for more. More entertainment, more news , more vlogs and more bull****.

Four years ago when I came on You Tube I came in certain that I would never be "That guy". The guy that would be screaming furiously at movies. I didn't want to be another Nostalgia Critic or Video Game Nerd. I didn't want to walk down the street and people look at me and point. I did not want the fame, the glory, the attention. No Sir, twas' not for me. I'm too reserved and private for that. Now, four years later, what has been the result of this Fury of the Film Fan experiment? What have I become? I think I finally figured that out.

All around me I have seen online film critics sprout, taking the reigns and using their inspirations to fuel them forward into positions of leading voices in the film criticism community. People rarely know the people on Rotten Tomatoes but if you mention Jeremy Jahns chances are someone out there is going to say "Jeremy! yeah I've seen his videos the guy is great!" and yet, he has no degree in journalism, no certification in Film Criticism, no accreditation. He is a face,a face with a powerful voice and an even more powerful personality. And when you see that face combined with his often hilarious antics and clever commentary, well you just can't help but keep coming back because you know every single time what you're gonna get.

In fact, all the well known Film Critics put their face out there. Roger Ebert, Richard Roeper, even Armond White. I realize now, I don't think I can succeed if I never show my face. Even the moviepreviewcritic has come out of hiding and graces the screen with his monocle while bravely bashing Hollywood. So I ask myself, can a faceless film critic succeed? Can I continue to make these videos hoping to incite discussion while I hide in the shadows refusing to come out and let my subscribers see who they are exactly subscribed to?

Many of my subscribers don't get my humor, they don't get a lot of things I say and maybe that's because words don't translate as well as they would if they had a face to attach it to. Even the best writers have to come out of their castles and do interviews for Harry Potter, so after some thought I realized...what the hell.
Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you Fury of the Film Fan

< Image has been removed , you lost your chance...sorry!>

Does this mean I will be making videos showing my face. No, I have something else planned to make these videos more interesting. seeing my face for 10 minutes just isn't good video.

Nobody makes me bleed my own blood, nobody!

2011-01-08T02:00:00.000-08:00

Recently, one of my favorite fellow film critics closed his channel down. Chris Stuckmann was a fine addition to the online film critics family. He knew his stuff, he was interesting to watch and most importantly he was honest. It was easy to relate with the guy due to his great personality. Many others saw him as likeable as I did because he skyrocketed to fame on You Tube.So I was sad when he made the video announcing he had to close his channel down. I listened carefully to what Chris had to say and I understood his predicament, more than most people would.

See, when I first started this online criticism thing, I made a channel called Ruben's Reviews. It was a simple little channel filled with poor graphics, shoddy audio and an opinion, that's all I needed. I feel what made my channel so different was how much attention I gave to topics that many wouldn't even consider. Some call it bitching, I say it was searching for the deeper meaning in things. I challenged listeners to do the same with their film experiences.

But I was young, cocky and brass.I linked that account together with my personal accounts. People in my circle had no problems finding out that I was this online entity and that is when things got complicated. I had written a review for The Passion of Christ, Mel Gibson's little snuff film. It was one of my first reviews and boy,it was a doozy. Growing up under a very strict religious upbringing I know a thing or two about religion, faith and things of that sort. It was my opinion but the people who were in my circle got offended with what I wrote. Did they have reason to be? Was there ulterior motives for how they lashed out on me? Could I have just ignored them and do what I wanted?

Well..like it or not , sometimes we find ourselves influenced by what is around us.Sticking to your guns and forming your own independent thought sounds easier than it really is when your closest friends and pretty much everything you know is influencing your life. Sometimes good people get a little too zealous and impose their own opinions onto someone else. They might not realize they are judging you, they might not see it as imposing their own views on you, they might not even see it as nit picking and being intrusive by overstepping boundaries and intervening where intervention isn't merited.

Separating myself from people with imposing opinions took some time but I did it. The funny thing is, I still have my values, my morals, my beliefs and my faith. The way those people attacked me because I wrote a stupid review told me two things.1)Those people were overreacting big time. 2) I was not interested in having people nit pick my every move in my life. These people...are not representative of what is good as a whole and it's these "types" of people I now avoid. Maybe the same is for you, maybe you are in a circle where people want you to conform, where individual thought is frowned upon. In a country divided by politics, race ,even financial class...I'm sure at least someone out there reading this now is feeling the same way.

I gave Chris some advice, told him any decision he does to make sure it is what he wants to do and let nobody tell him he can't do something he is passionate about doing as long as deep down inside he knows what he is doing is ok with his conscience. for me? attaching my name to The Passion of the Christ review came back to bite me in the ass. I won't be attaching my name or face to anything ever because while I hate the way many of these people think, I still love them.

Am I hiding, am I a coward? I don't think so. Sometimes you can't fight every fight, sometimes you can't change people and sometimes you have to let people be and not go out of your way to offend them.

I know many of you wonder what the man looks like behind the voice. Maybe one day I'll show my face, maybe when I decide to give up being Fury of the Film Fan once and for all, for now, the message I deliver is more important than my thuggish good looks. Will I succeed? I think so...if not? at least I know I never held back saying the things I believed in.

O'Black where art thou?

2011-01-03T22:09:00.000-08:00

When I first came on You Tube, interest in film criticism was at an all time high. Mr. Black was one of the first to come on You Tube and he garnered thousands of subscribers. It was the right time,nobody was doing online video reviews. Mr. Black set a standard for video reviews. They were coherent, informative, rich in history and infused with a personality aimed for the every day man. In a world where stuffy out of touch critics flooded the written market, Black was a breath of fresh air.
Now, before I even knew who Mr. Black was I came on You Tube wanting to just talk about film. I had no intention of reviewing movies. So my first few videos were horrendous, Boring, confusing, biased messes and just a waste of everyone's time in my opinion. I found Mr. Black in a related videos tab and I was instantly inspired. Watching his videos helped me see what I was doing wrong, so very very wrong.
Mr. Black had a way to celebrate film. Even while reviewing a terrible movie that wasn't worth anybody's time he had a way of switching it around, guiding you to a better film somewhere out there. It was subtle and done effortlessly, the sign of a true film buff. As time passed You Tube made it more and more difficult to make videos for the public. Despite our videos being perfectly acceptable under fair use, You Tube told us they were not. You tube catered to the Blunty's and the DeFranco's who had no problem showing their stupid faces while asking people for money.er..donations I should say but us, the faceless entities who wanted to just spread a message, we were constantly denied.
I don't blame Mr. Black for leaving You Tube. He would spend countless hours on making a video and see absolutely no return whatsoever. A wise man once said, "never do something you're good at for free" The Joker was on to something. Black left You Tube with some of the best, most informative and inspiring videos that you will find on the internet,with hundreds of thousands of views and in the end, it's Ijustine who gets money to go on vacation cuz she shaked her ass in an Apple store. The world can be a stupid place indeed.
Over the years Black never told me his name, never showed me his face, nothing. Despite spending sometimes hours lost in conversation, talking about everything from apathy,world events, movies,life. That was his choice and I am fine with that. One of the things we always agreed on is that the message was always more important. I like to think Black is ok, out there, living life and living it happily. I considered him a friend and I hope he's ok. My goal this year was to find him and get him to come out, at least for an interview. I just hope he's ok.

Fury welcomes 2011

2011-01-03T01:36:00.001-08:00

Here we are again, the start of a new year. Feels like it was only yesterday I was making a list of resolutions I didn't follow. As I get older, time seems to be moving faster, so for 2011 one of the first resolutions is to slow things down. In 2010 I had visions of grandeur, I was going to take Fury of the Film Fan to new heights! and for a while I did. Lionsgate was calling me for screenings, I was getting tons of subscribers and tons of views. I was even doing a good job of bringing together the online community I always had imagined with the help of You Tube's other top film critics.
I kept up the pace for a while but the weight on my shoulders started getting heavy.I just couldn't balance my personal life with my hobby. It started getting to the point where my hobby was actually becoming work and since I already have a day job something had to be sacrificed. I sat down and saw the thing I would actually be sacrificing would be the time I have with my family. That would be unacceptable. My son, who is now 5, ran into a bit of a wall starting Kindergarten and needed our full attention to help him through it.
So instead of sitting down and writing up a review for some film I was helping my kid with his school work, playing with him and just helping him through what had become a stressful time for us. When your 5 year old hates school and learning , yeah, that's when you need to sit back and really think about your priorities. Instead of going to see an advanced screening I was up late thinking of new ways to make games fun and educational for him. I went to countless meetings with his teacher to get him the help he needed to adjust to New York's educational curriculum. I needed him to love learning, the way I did and still do.
If it sounds like I'm complaining, far from it. I look at my boy with pride now as he shows me his latest drawings when before he wouldn't even look at a pencil.I smile as he runs to me eager to tell me what he learned in school. I say to myself," I really am helping this child grow up" and I love seeing the results. The way I look at it, sure I love being Fury of the Film Fan, but in a way, I'm making my own movie here. And when all is said and done and my kid has a family of his own I'll be looking back to review it all.The movie's just started but I already love what I see.I'm sure it'll get a Gold Fury Award..

showing me yet another discovery, loving life.

GOTOBUS SUCKS!

2010-08-16T04:26:00.000-07:00

I am an advocate for free speech, I believe when something sucks you have the right to say it sucks and warn other people, hence why I am a film critic. Recently I went on a 2 day trip to Niagra Falls and I used a tour bus company called GOTOBUS. After our experience I decided to write a review. Needless to say my review got ignored. No wonder all the reviews on the site were positive! they choose which ones get posted!

So,since Gotobus decided not to print out my review I decided to print it out on here, my all powerful blog that speaks to the people. So without further a DON'T, here is my review for GOTOBUS.

An affordable bus tour to Niagra falls? Sounds too good to be true! And it was. While Niagra Falls is a beautiful place to visit (they seriously need to fix up that area and make better food) it was the lack of communication regarding our itinerary that ruined this trip. We were carted around like cattle unaware of what would be happening next. The biggest problem came after our time spent in Niagra Falls and we were told our hotel was 2 hours away. Some genius named Mark (we overheard them say his name) failed to realize that after 8 hours in a bus and a few hours at Niagra Falls that people wouldn’t be ok arriving at their hotel at 12:00am!

Another frustrating aspect of this tour involved us being carted to All you can eat Buffets that they stop for lunch. If you don’t want that you can eat something else that’s walking distance but be quick, they only give you 30 min or so to eat. Our trip to the Thousand Islands proved a complete waste of time when all we did was get on the boat tour and then RIGHT back on the bus so we can go an hour away just to go to another all you can eat buffet. Would it not make more sense to let people walk around the area, check out the stores and eat around there? No, carted once again to another all you can eat buffet most likely to fatten us up for the slaughter.

The bus we were issued did not have a working bathroom. We were told it was for emergencies but when we finally had to use the tour guides didn’t want to open the door rather we had to make another stop delaying our trip even more so. The movies selected for the trip ranged from ok to completely inappropriate considering there were small children in the bus. Is it so hard to get some movies screened before the trip?

Look, Niagra falls is absolutely beautiful, that’s a given. They take you there for a cheap price but if there is ANY other way you can go I strongly suggest you do it yourself. Maybe the longer tour’s fare better but the complete lack of knowing the itinerary or the hotel we were staying in makes this the last time I book something this way. The tour guides we had were very friendly though I must say that.

Yours Truly
A pissed off Customer

Now I get to use the wonderful tags Blogger provides and google will do the rest.Whenever someone runs a search for GOTOBUS review my little blog will come up. The people have a right to know all aspects of what they're paying money for. Isn't the internet great?

Jet Blue Quitter, Hero or Drama Queen?

2010-08-11T00:43:00.000-07:00

Steven Slater hated his job and on Monday he let the world know how much he hated it by quitting in a most glorious fashion. The Jet Blue Flight attendant lost it when he was allegedly hit by a passenger’s bag. Apparently this passenger was trying to get his stuff when the plane was still in motion on the runway.. I don’t know what went down (they are still investigating) but whatever happened made Slater lose it. He got on the intercom and let out a slew of obscenities; grabbed two beers then opened the emergency exit door and slid down that slide everyone wants to slide down. He got on one of them luggage carts, drove to his car and drove home to have sex with his boyfriend.

People are hailing him as a hero. These people are idiots. I’ll tell you why. We all love quitting stories, we all imagine quitting in the most dramatic fashion, letting our employees know how much they fail and just getting that power back, I get it, but what Slater fails to do is get his point across. If he really did get hit by a passenger who was being a disrespectful prick then you teach that prick a lesson SO good that the waves of justice resonate to all other pricks like the butterfly effect. Had it been me I would have added this passengers bag to the list of crimes, I would have taken that bag, ran off with it and dumped it right in the water, then pissed on it on live TV with my middle fingers up. THAT’S how you let the pricks of the world know that their crap attitude will not be tolerated.

Fury Pisses on a passengers bag

Nice try Slater, twas a noble effort it really was but next time think before you act out. If you’re gonna go out in a blaze of glory ALWAYS take out the bad guys with you.

I have my own quitting story. It was when I was working for T-Mobile. I hated this job with a passion. I was actually getting sick from working with them. The stupid uneducated hick customers in this area would drive me crazy and gave me hypertension and high blood pressure. I was getting into arguments all the time with these moronic individuals who were either illegal aliens or aliens who refused to learn English. As a culture they have the bad habit of getting too personal and I tried to be professional, I really did.

Top that my lesbian man hating boss hated me, I reminded her of her ex and the reason she went gay. She would schedule the worst hours, nights, weekends and never 2 days off in a row. When confronting her about it she would just pull that whole “I’m the boss and that’s how it goes” bulls**t. I wanted to get fired so I could collect unemployment but they wouldn’t fire me. Just sit me down and give me these long speeches about performance and warnings.

Eventually I found another job and I was told I had to start in a few days. I didn’t think about giving my 2 week notice, this job would give me a steady schedule, twice the pay ,vacation time and medical. The choice was easy and I finally got my power back. I finished my day smiling knowing it was the end. The next day I didn’t show up. I didn’t call, I didn’t do anything. Some might call this irresponsible but there’s a reason behind my actions. The boss ran a skeleton crew, only 2 people at a time on duty . So if one person called out you had to make up that time later that week to cover the person who covered you. If someone didn’t show up last minute the boss had to drive all the way to the job and cover the shift. If someone like me quit last minute then my boss would be forced to not only work her hours but mine too and since she dumped all the hours nobody wanted on me that meant her ass would have to work nights and weekends. Basically I was screwing her over and this is what I did.

I disappeared and as I sat there with my beer watching my cell phone buzz as she tried to reach me with voice messages and texts gave me a warm feeling in my stomach. Knowing that she was suffering, annoyed, aggravated and just overall going nuts made me smile. I eventually called her and told her I quit since she couldn’t figure it out. She said she wanted it in writing. I laughed and told her not to call me anymore. Very satisfying…

Fury of the Film Fan HATES internet MORONS

2010-08-04T04:43:00.000-07:00

It’s times like this when I think back to what Caligula said when he got sick of Rome. “If Rome had but one neck” then proceeded to crush some kind of fruit in his hands. Yup, as insane as he was he got sick of those people running amuck and judging the rest of the world. Kind of the same way I am sick of internet trolls.

The other day I leave this comment for Jeremy Jahns’ review of Dinner for Schmucks
“interesting, we said like the same things” I left this comment because we both said almost the same things about the movie we saw. An innocent comment meant to relate not berate.

To which I get some idiot responding to my comment meant for him. Her name, 7heRagingAngel and she says :

“@FuryoftheFilmFan Not as interesting as the view-count in comparison, or the fact that your reviews were nothing alike save for the plot summary. There are only so many ways to describe a romantic comedy, and the similarity ends there.
Look, your reviews are good... but comments like that make you sound like an incredible douche. The childishly competitive kind who goes looking for other reviewer's videos just to drop subtle snarks, make them look bad and draw more attention to your own”

At this point I get the same reaction that Will Ferrell got in Anchorman when he was told he has bad hair. There’s fire in my eyes and I ignore being the better person. Not only does this disrespectful twit insinuate that I’m in some dick measuring contest and Jeremy Jahns beats me by a massive amount of inches but she also manages to insult me by calling me childish, a douche and an attention whore. This genius is able to dissect me completely from my 7 word comment. Amazing!

So,I can’t keep quiet, I wouldn’t be who I am if I just folded. The time for a professional response was gone, this chick came at me hard and I needed to give her a little life lesson when it comes to assuming things, jumping the gun on matters and what happens when you do this to people because something tells me this is not just an ordinary internet troll but someone who really does feel this way.This is someone who really doesn't give a shit about other people's feelings and just spits out whatever is on her stupid little mind.

So I proceed to let loose a flurry of comments which dissected this idiot’s attitude and in the process showed how her comment failed. This should be enough right? I mean if someone is proven wrong about something then there’s nothing left to do but just shut up and move on. A troll only wants to incite but this person is no mere troll, she’s worse than a troll, she’s a fu**ing moron.

This type of moron is the worst kind. She adamantly defends her position and even has the balls to justify it by saying it was ME who wrote on a public forum and thus should EXPECT comments like that. Also, based on my channel bio, I should accept all forms of opinions and that MY reaction wasn’t merited. Truly no ordinary Troll but someone who really does exemplify the worst possible qualities a person could have IRL ( in real life )

It’s people like this that have a special place in my heart. I have had numerous friends growing up who acted the same way. Telling me things like “I’m offended you’re offended” and other types of comments meant to excuse their own behavior by flipping it and making ME the problem. I could easily write 7 more pages on this matter but I’m going to keep things simple for the sake of this blog. People come out their ass assuming things and due to their pride, their ignorance and the fact that they just don’t care about the other person they don’t want to admit they’re wrong. So here is what I say about this. You don’t have to be a better person when you are dealt this hand.

Yes, this is one of those rare moments you can unleash the beast inside and just tell that person off in the most glorious fashion. If they look at you in shock and say something like “but why are you acting this way?” you tell them this reaction is the consequence of their ignorant idealism, their stupid way of thinking, and their moronic attitude. Tell them that if they don’t like the reaction, the insults, the anger then next time maybe they’ll think twice before spitting something stupid out of their stupid mouths. Like the saying goes “ Don’t start nothing and won’t BE nothing”

bitch...

Fury's Last Airbender Midnight Screening is a BUST

2010-06-30T22:05:00.000-07:00

So I thought I would give The Last Airbender a shot. I’ve been predicting the movie would suck unholy balls and be a huge waste of time but I said to myself,” Fury, you have an obligation to the PEOPLE!” So despite a migraine, I pop some pills, get dressed and walk to my local theater that’s only 2 blocks away. It’s not the best theater, in fact it’s a pretty piss poor one but for the great price and location I deal with it.
So I ask the ticket seller guy, “how much for The Last Airbender” and he tells me, "$10.50". “What?” I yell. A regular price ticket for this crappy theater is $7.50. A normal ticket price in this city is minimum $12.50 so in economic times the price for this disgusting theater are pretty appealing. Then I see the problem, I look up and realize the movie is being shown in 3D. Now,understand this, it is the low prices that allow us to forgive the dirty screen, the musty smell, the sticky floors, the poor sound system and the screen quality that looks like a projected boot leg. I’ll be damned if I’m paying $10.50 for THAT.
It’s not the money; it’s the principle of the matter. I’ve had problems with 3D before and one of them was theaters not giving people the OPTION to see it on a regular screen. They force upon us these inflated prices for this technology that rarely does anything to enhance the movie going experience. This will ultimately be the demise of 3D. Smart people know The Last Airbender wasn’t made for 3D and we all know what happens when a studio slaps on 3D to a film that isn’t 3D. I found it absurd that this theater had the nerve to try to push 3D on a lousy dirty screen. I feel bad for the suckers who are falling for this scam.
The few people who don’t know how bad 3D looks in a film not made for 3D soon will. If they don't end up hating 3D forever they certainly will think twice before running out to see a 3D film. What pisses me off the most is not being given the audience the option to see it in a NON 3D setting. Forcing people to pay inflated prices is only going to make more people avoid going to the movies. Then studios will bitch about how movies are making no money and how pirating is to blame and blah blah blah.

Had the movie been in a normal screen with the $7.50 price I would have seen the movie, but telling me that 3D was my only option, screw that. I put my money right back in my wallet. I hope you guys do the same.

iJustine is an attention whore

2010-05-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

If you don't know who iJustine is allow me to show you

Now I know what you're saying, Eh that wasn't so bad Fury, what's up YOUR ass? I'll tell what is up my ass, she's too damn quirky! It's annoying! What kind of person dances in the middle of a store full of people?? An attention whore that's who! I'm not saying she's a person who engages in promiscuous intercourse with random people I am saying she's a person who craves attention to such an extent that she will do anything to receive it. And DOES she! with a whopping 580,000 subscribers the drones have flocked to this channel to see great videos such as "Ipad Unboxing!" and "You tubers LOVE Justin Bieber" and who can forget the classic "Girl Trapped in a bag!" where iJustine ...you guessed it! puts herself in a bag. Great stuff here folks...

At this point I can be accused of what the street call "Hatin'" and yes..yes I am. Cmon!!! You all know if iJustine was overweight and not as attractive NOBODY would be flocking to see her booty shake. In fact, her booty shaking in the middle of a store would be met with riotous laughter and mockery as it SHOULD for people who engage in such behavior SHOULD be outed. Because she is good looking, she gets away with this stuff and that is what I call bulls**t!

"Oh Fury but that is the world we live in" you say? Not in MY world. When I see her all I hear is her saying "I'm so beautiful look at me I'm jumping and making funny ugly faces but it's funny cuz I'm so PRETTY! look at me all you ugly people! LOOK AT ME!!!! look what I can do! tee hee!" Her videos actually make people dumber..you learn nothing from them and all her subscribers do is fuel her vanity and fund her lifestyle. A lifestyle filled with trendy Apple products, Mocha Latte's , tanning and public displays of retardation.

Damn you all..

Tom Perkins from FilmXtra CAUGHT plagiarizing movie REVIEWS! (Final Thoughts)

2010-05-12T05:23:00.000-07:00

What a week this has been. On one side we got the biggest case of plagiarism our online film journalism community has seen ever and on the other side, I've never been more popular! I love popularity! it makes me feel accomplished. I'm not gonna lie to you, it feels damn good to be loved. Hey I had it hard, when I first started Fury of the Film Fan every other comment was, "Omg You SUX so bad delete your channel you homo!". Now the letters I get sound more like," dude you are an inspiration to us all" and that makes me smile.

So how do I REALLY feel about Tom S Perkins? I've had my battles. I've gone against mexican roly poly olie CUMONASS , I've battled VaughnFry but Tom Perkins is different. At least those other guys had an opinion. At least those other guys were...real. Tom Perkins is the nothing from The Never Ending Story. He's just this big cloud of emptiness that has no personality. He only exists to consume whatever is around him so he can get bigger and bigger.

Tom took the words and opinions of these hard working individuals and used them to make money and to elevate his channel. This guy was going to premiers. PREMIERS!!!(3 exclamation points!) Did you know that the one main reason why I started reviewing movies was so one day I could be invited to premiers and see movies before the public? This asshole gets it handed to him in a silver platter and can't even form his own opinion? That is why he should never be allowed to write another review ever.

What pisses me off are the people supporting him. The people who think this isn't a crime and are still fans of his. I ask you idiots, what are you a fan of exactly? The fact that he can read? Cuz that is all he did...read! MORONS, they WERE NOT HIS REVIEWS! I swear to God it amazes me how freakin' STUPID people can be. How people are willing to ignore things like someone breaking the law just because it's not a violent crime. You all who still support Tom Perkins are grade A douchebags and I wish I could slap each and every one of you 'tards right in your stupid faces.

As for Tom himself, I don't wish physical violence on the guy, my hate doesn't run that deep but I do wish he accidentally fell off a cliff, survived and after damage to his vocal chords forced to talk like one of the Rescue Rangers. That's as far as it goes though.

Health Care Reform is here BITCHES

2010-03-22T07:16:00.000-07:00

I am not the smartest man, I don’t claim to have all the answers and when it comes to politics I don’t claim to understand half of what these old geezers are talking about. What I do know is that this Health Care system is broken. In my "Sicko" Review (a Michael Moore Film) I revealed my own personal experience when I was poor and we found out we were going to have a kid. How scary it was living without medical. For a while now Obama has been saying he's going to bring Health Care reform. That he would make change happen. Who woulda thought the guy would stay true to his word? I sure didn't. Then again I don't trust anybody. That's the product of growing up in New York City.
Health Care reform is a done deal but was really amazes me is how many people are against this bill. I saw people on the news protesting with big colorful signs expressing their pure hatred toward this bill. It’s Funny, I did not see one black or Spanish person protesting. In every video I saw there were only old white people shouting and spitting mad, literally spitting mad! In one rally a conservative activist spat on Rep. Emmanuel Cleaver and shouted slurs at Reps. John Lewis and Barney Frank. Yeah one’s a black guy and another is a gay guy. So you got these old rich white people spitting on a black and gay guy calling them slurs. Let me translate what the news won’t say. This group of people said,” You niggers and fags can’t take my money it’s unconstitutional” Yup…Republican conservatives SPITTING on people and tossing RACIAL SLURS because they don’t approve of a bill, that’s how these people who supposedly want a better country are acting.
They make the claim that this bill is unconstitutional but they know full well this isn’t about allowing Socialism in our country its all about money and these greedy assholes are saying loud and clear, I don’t want to pay to help ANYbody out.
I am also amazed that more people are angry and rallying about this than they did for the Iraq war. A war based on lies that has killed thousands of lives and yet, here are these people unanimously voting nay for a bill that can help millions. I have read dozens of letters from “experts” who have analyzed this bill to death who have tried to bring up points like the expected wait times and how doctors are already stressed and how much this will cost the average American. I like to keep things simple. Why would you not want to help people get medical help? Why would you not want to save lives? If you’re against the bill see if you can answer that without bringing up money once…go ahead...lets see what you got.

Chocolate Teddy Grahams are RACIST

2010-03-06T02:22:00.000-08:00

Teddy Grahams, a classic snack made by the good folks of Nabisco. Who would have thought under the delicious guise of honey and sugar lay a deep dark secret in the underbelly of a huge corporation that provides millions of snacks for innocent little children? I did! And what I discovered wasn’t very pretty. Let’s get to the point shall we. Teddy Grahams Honey and Cinnamon both come in 10oz packages and have a total fat of 4g per serving but the chocolate brand weighs in at a whopping 4.5 grams of fat for the same serving size! That means if a hungry person would like to eat an entire box of teddy grahams which is roughly 216 delicious little bears that would be 40.5 grams of fat compared to the measly 36 grams of fat for the honey bear which judging by how prominently the honey version is displayed on every single commercial they surely represent the majority AkA: (white cracker)

Delicious but also Racist

Think I’m being ridiculous? You can’t see how this is another ploy by the MAN to keep the black community down? Allow me to continue. Check out this advertisement from the 80’s.

At 0:07 you can see a black child holding the cinnamon version of the tasty treat but at 0:09 what do you see? Where is the black child’s hand holding one of the teddy grahams? The black child has been completely removed to show only 3 very white hands. If that is not an example of separate but equal then I don't know what is!

It’s amazing what you can find when you are really looking for it isn’t it? From jive talking robots in Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen to A Princess and the frog all the way to blue aliens in Avatar, Racism is everywhere and we have to stay vigilante. We have to expose these hateful expressions of entertainment at its core. Otherwise who will think about the children? People like us have a duty to rid the world of racism forever and the only way we can do this is by constantly reminding people it is there.

Note: This is a sarcastic blog to illustrate a point for all those idiots who are seeing Racism in every movie coming out now...yes...including Avatar.

You Tube pulls another boner

2010-02-27T02:26:00.000-08:00

Last night I saw Kevin Smith’s atrocious Cop Out movie at my local cinema. Not really the best theater around, in fact it’s pretty damn crappy.It feels like an old 70's porn theater.I'm scared to go to the bathroom in this theater, who knows what pervert lies hanging in the shadows just waiting for the right moment to jump me.But with New York in the middle of another snow storm I wasn’t about to troop it at my favorite Kaufman Studios theater.I figure I'd risk any sexual harassment as long as I can get back to my house in 5 minutes after the movie is over. I get home at 2:30am and by 3:30am my review was written, recorded and rendering. By 7am my video was uploaded to You Tube. I applied revenue sharing to my video and when I do I always write a very simple line to describe the contents of my video.

“Everything in this video belongs to me”

This allows my video to be quickly posted for revenue sharing since every single piece of content is owned by me. I went off to play some Bioshock 2, get some breakfast and signed on to bother some people on Facebook. By 11am I noticed my video still wasn’t posted by You Tube. Why? I quickly checked my email , sometimes if there’s a problem with the revenue sharing You Tube will email me but there was no email? What freakin’ gives man?

Then I ran a search for “Cop Out Review” and there was not one single review up yet for this film. How could this be? I know for a fact there are people I am subscribed to that put up reviews for their midnight screenings and yet, not a single review was up. I go to the front page and that’s where it hit me. Right there in front of my face is a big advertisement for Cop Out.

So here’s what’s going on. Every partnered channel applies revenue sharing to their videos and leave it on private until it gets approved. You Tube automatically turns your video live when approved. So channels like Michael Philips from the Chicago Tribune and Reelz Channel all have their videos in a frozen state.

It’s like when studios block critics from seeing a movie so they can trick people into seeing a shitty movie. Except what YouTube is doing here is blocking people’s revenues like douche bags, like bullies, like the mafia. Why would a review be blocked until AFTER people see the movie? This is a piss poor practice by You Tube and violates freedom of speech. The movie is out, people saw it, let the reviews go! Stupid You Tube.

Yes..I WOULD like to smell like a bear

2010-02-11T23:56:00.000-08:00

Today I was walking around my local CVS in search for a shower gel. You see, I've grown accustomed to the lathery goodness that is the shower gel. Bars of soap just never stayed in my hand. I think the record for most dropped soaps in one shower for me stands at 7. Had this been prison I would be labeled a dirty whore just asking for it.I grew tired of the soap bar and now im hooked on the glory of shower gels.
So I'm walking around testing the different brands they had stocked and I come across an interesting brand of shower gel called "Blade". I've never seen any commercials for them. They also looked suspiciously similar to "AxE" body gels (doesn't help that they were stocked right on top of the Axe Brand). Each scented gel is named after an animal with a picture of that animal growling menancingly at you. What followed was a hilarious dissection of the brand (at least in my twisted head). Here are the gels and what I interpreted after smelling each scent.

Scorpion- A man who uses this gel is cautious, yet eager to strike his prey. Women beware as he lurks in the shadows waiting , starring intensely at you through the dance floor... waiting till you find yourself separated from your pack. It's then that he'll strike, most likely when your favorite song is on and you just "gotta dance"

Viper- Similar to Scorpion, the Viper is a strong pungy smell of something that's been lying on the floor all day. I imagine the man who wears this is somewhat braver than the scorpion prefering to move around the club, slithering his way closer to his intended target. Watch out ladies, he'll dance with your ugly friends till he can finally tag you into a dance where he will display his real intentions which usually entails things you will require some kind of antidote for later.

Great White- The man who wears this just doesn't give a shit what he eats, he'll take anything he can get,he's natures garbage disposal. The salty smell to this gel is like taking a swim in a chlorine filled pool and forgetting to shower.

Panther- A man who wears Panther is telling the world, "Hey, I'm on the prowl and that's ok...cuz I'm a Fu$!@#king PANTHER!" it's a unique smell that can't quite be pinpointed to anything natural and thats ok because the man who wears this is above natural, he's SUPER Natural and all others in the animal kingdom have to stay out of his way less they get bitten in the jugular.

Kodiak- Finally, the gel for REAL men. I imagine the guy who showers with this gel cannot help but succumb to its strong, rustic scent and lets out a monstrous roar while lathering. A man who wears the Kodiak is a man's man...a growling beast of a man who is not afraid to pummel his competition. Ladies will dance with him and leave smiling saying "wow, he smelled just like a bear!". That's right..a mutha Effin BEAR...

Panther Gel turns you into a Panther....a SEX Panther

Shush me? Shush you!!!

2010-02-04T10:15:00.000-08:00

I just got back from leaving my kid off school but had something of an altercation before we left. When we leave my kid likes to run to the elevator and press the button. Today he was particularly excited and did a bit of yelling in our hallway. It was for a few seconds but enough for me to “shush” him. After I finished my timely shush I heard another shush from a distance. Someone in my building took it upon themselves to shush my kid. An impatient response since 1) It was only a few seconds not like he was throwing a rave party in the hallways and b) I was already handling the situation.
So naturally, the Fury in me took over and I yelled at the mysterious shusher. “Hey! Don’t do that, you don’t shush my kid ok?? I don’t need a backup or an echo!” and there was silence. Of course the shusher doesn’t have the balls to say anything. I KNEW the shush came from one of those passive aggressive yuppies that have flooded my once gloriously diverse apartment building.
But Fury don’t play that. I am very confrontation and I don’t shush from a distance. I’ll be in your face telling you to shut up IF it calls for it. So when is a shush called for? Here is my list when a shush is absolutely called for.

1) When a kid has been making a racket for a period of time with his parent stupidly standing idly by ignoring the annoying display and how it affects the people around him.
2) It’s bad enough a dumbass parent will take a kid to a midnight screening to a rated R movie but then ignore his cries just to finish watching Leonidas rile up his 300 Spartan army. Shush them away my fellow fans, shush away!
3) At home when your kid has talked for a solid 2 hours straight without breathing. Shushing him would be good for their health and prevent them from passing out.
4) If you find yourself fallen into a den filled with sleeping lions and the sign specifically says “Quiet please” then it’s appropriate to shush a kid
5) If you crash landed on an island and the only doctor on board is trying to remove that pole sticking out of your stomach, you might want to prevent any distractions and shush that kid

Bottom line, don’t shush my kid or someone else’s kid. It’s bad etiquette. Shushing someone is a douchebag move when you’re too scared to say something and almost all the time a shush comes from a dick who doesn't have any kids of his own. Some uptight enema needing asshole who thinks a few seconds of some kids noise ruins his perfect little circle of space. If that guy saw me I promise you he would have not even thought twice of sushing, cuz again, it's a douchebag move, something uttered in the shadows so nobody can pinpoint where it came from. Real men have the balls to say "Be Quiet"

Think twice before you shush someone, you could get slapped

Fury is BACK from vacation

2010-02-03T04:22:00.001-08:00

Are you wondering where your favorite Internet film critic has been all this time? Did you get frustrated at the lack of new content? Were you scared that I was hurt or worse, maybe dead? Fear not faithful film fans! I was just on a much-needed vacation. After a year of working the night shift I officially became a creature of the night. I came to this realization when one day I tried to shield myself from the sun with my hands as I hissed. So I set out to go somewhere that promised fun under the sun and replenish my vitamin D deficiency. It had to be somewhere hot but not like Ecuador hot. Plus it needed to have enough entertainment where my son would have a good time as well. So what better choice is there than Orlando Florida?

Oh Orlando Florida how I love you so. You provide me with an array of endless gimmicky entertainment. Like Universal Studios with their mish mesh of mediocre rides and over priced food. JMuch of these rides that haven’t aged well and in need of some desperate updating(Terminator 2 3D? Seriously?). Ok the Mummy and Simpsons ride kicks ass so I guess we’ll pay your competitive prices.
Oh Miniature Golf what is it about you that is so much fun? Is it the gorilla that blocks my path when I hit his nuts with my ball? Is it the people behind me who take this game WaY too serious and grow impatient at my 6 swing attempts at looking skillful?
Oh pool water how I love your chlorine smelling, light blue oasis of beauty. I love how I can swim across warm pockets of water wondering, is it due to the heating of the pool or is it because of those kids who just passed by? Oh the mysteries that only enhance the wonderful area that is the public pool. Despite my son almost drowning when he decided to slide down the pipe that goes into the deep end of the pool, we had a great time!
And how could I not mention Disney? The most glorious money trap of all time? Yes! Take my $10 dollars for a bag of popcorn, take my $20 dollars for that limited edition pin that I can one-day trade for another pin of equal or lesser value. I LOVE Disney, I love everything about those parks. The feeling I get when I walk through those gates, the feeling I get when I finally get on the ride, the feeling I get when I finally can use the urinal after waiting on line for that ride. It’s all an amazing experience and we must all give up our money to this glorious corporation so it can continue their complete domination.I want a world ran by Mickey , I want to take a monorail to work. Imagine how much better this world would be if all our bums dressed up in character costumes! oh what a great time Disney provides for all.

But if the Matrix showed us anything it’s that such a thing was not meant to be and ultimately my happiness had to be stopped. Now I’m back in the frigid heartless bitch of a city that is New York working the grind and trying to find the energy to give you guys up to date reviews. I gotta admit my head isn’t in the game right now. I’m having a hard time giving a shit about movies. I mean I just spent the passed 2 weeks drinking, partying my ass off and having unprotected sex with my wife I wasn’t thinking about anything else. Not false copyright claims, not video making, nothing! but I’m sure all that will change when The Wolfman comes out. I’ll be back in full geek mode in no time! All my wife has to say about that is ,” Damn you Benicio Del toro, you c-blockin bastard!”
Indeed….

Bootleg Characters are out of control!

2010-01-11T22:22:00.000-08:00

If you have ever strolled down 5th ave close to Rockefeller Center then you have passed what I like to call the Canyon of Bootleg Characters™. In a span of 3 blocks you will pass Spider guy, Shrik, Bort Sampson and even Spongebilly Roundpants. These cheap variations of copyrighted material slowly walk around offering tourists a chance to remember a piece of New York City with a picture with a semi-recognizable character. I had the pleasure of walking down this path one day and let me tell you it was a horrific experience.

Not only do these characters slowly move around the crowd creeping up behind unsuspecting tourists but the place is littered with the screams of horrified children. You can see kids running away from what surely will be in their nightmares for months to come. Meanwhile idiot parents chuckle at the emotional scarring of their children and end up taking pictures themselves just so have something to put up on their FaceBook.

You won't get my money Bort Sampson!

Lately this centralized area of bootleg characters has been spreading. The other day I was at the Jamba Juice on Times Square when all of a sudden a SpongeBilly Roundpants walked right by my window. He stopped, slowly turned to me, starred at me for a good 10 seconds, slowly turned away and continued to walk. It was like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. There I am contemplating life and enjoying the refreshing combination of Carrots and Orange Juice only to have SpongeBilly walk by clearly representing life’s futility.

The spread of Bootleg characters must stop. If you see someone you know posting pictures of themselves with a Dorna the adventurer or Elmode kindly tell them this is inappropriate behavior for someone their age. If you see these characters in the street kindly ignore them and encourage others to do the same. For the rule of nature applies here, don’t feed it otherwise it’ll never go away.

Happy Homeless people piss me off

2010-01-06T02:57:00.000-08:00

So the other day I’m on the train going to work and sure enough I get greeted by a homeless person peddling for money. But today was a special day because a SECOND homeless person came in right behind him. To everyones surprise they then proceeded to entertain the people with a catchy medley about their current plight. Some of the lyrics went like this

“I’m out of luck
But I don’t give a
Oh no no It’s mighty cold
A Ho ho ho that never gets old
It’s Christmas! Spare some change!
Do wap Do Wap Do Waaaaap”

Then they finished off the song with one of the guys popping a beat while the other gave a small speech about their current situation and with surprisingly good timing they both end it by saying “Smile! It won’t mess up your hair”.

Most of the saps and hippie tourists smiled at this sad display of beggary but me, I couldn’t help but be annoyed. It got me thinking of Chris Rocks stand up where he said if a homeless person has a funny sign, they ain’t been homeless long enough.

Instead of thinking about giving them money I was wondering, how did these two guys find each other? There is an interesting story there that would make a great movie. Check it out! A story about two homeless guys who come together to ROCK the train karts of New York with their joyful humorous medleys about the derelict. They become a sensation and gain media attention when one day the Mayor of New York hears them. Mayor Bloomberg loves them so much he invites them over for dinner. A strong friendship develops as they help a rich old man learn there’s more to life than millions and millions of dollars.

Trouble ensues when one of the homeless guys feels like he’s ‘selling out to the Man” and goes back to the dumpster that made him the hobo he is. A fine lesson in integrity is in there somewhere, anyway the bums eventually come back together and become a national symbol for hope, inspiration and most importantly…shampoo.

I would totally watch that movie…

Worst song of 2009

2010-01-04T03:05:00.000-08:00

There has been a ton of garbage that’s been rolled out over the months. You have all these Wannabe rappers talking about their swag, every R&B song using that synthesized Kanye West voice and dozens of remakes from failed American Idol contestants(Adam Lambert singing Mad World is unforgivable). But ONE song stood above all of the rest, the crème de le crap, the cherry on top of a mountain of donkey doo. That song is Fire Flies. If you want to make your ears bleed then here is the song

I have yet to finish an entire song. Every single time this song comes on, about half way through I start getting this funny feeling in my pants. How do I describe this feeling? It’s as if my penis is literally detaching itself from my body and preparing to say goodbye. I can feel my manhood slipping away as this sudden need to dance around like that guy from Silence of the Lambs falls over me. You know the scene where he put on some lipstick, gave himself a mangina and pretended he was a beautiful butterfly? Yeah that’s exactly the feeling
The beat is annoying and the main singer of this atrocity sounds like someone squeezed his nuts and never let go. Also the lyrics are some of the shittiest attempts at being something profound. For example,

‘Cause I’d get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance

I don’t know about you but I am NOT dancing with no lightning bug that tries to hug up on me. What kind of freaky inter-species orgy is this guy imagining in that twisted little lonely head of his? Here’s another one…

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say I’d rather stay
Awake when I’m asleep
‘Cause everything is never as it seems

What??? Everything is exactly what it seems just open your eyes! If 10 thousand fireflies are attacking you that’s not magical that is an infestation!

This whole song is about a lonely guy who finds peace in the world by dancing with a bunch of bugs. If there was a hell I would like to imagine Satan the Devil playing this song on loop. Damn you Owl City for making this song. Damn you …

Fury of the Film Fan’s RESOLUTIONS

2010-01-02T03:38:00.001-08:00

I hope you all had a great New Years! Mine went off without a hitch minor one single dumbass who did not want to stop blowing his noise maker outside my building. It was already 12:22 and he was still going at it. After he woke up my son I decided to do what any self respecting father would do when his quiet time is ruined because a moron wakes his family up due to late night kazoo playing. I opened my window and yelled at the top of my lungs to shut the hell up already. Hey, I know what you’re saying. Oh C’mon Fury it’s New Years! NO! I don’t care if I look like a grumpy old man, it’s already 12:22 the celebration was over 21 minutes ago.
The guy stopped and peace was restored in my quiet building. I don’t feel bad; if the guy wanted to celebrate he should have taken his ass to a bar or Times Square with the rest of the noise blowers. In my building 12:00am is a time to sleep nothing else. So despite that minor situation I have figured out my New Year’s Resolutions. Here they are…
10) Review 4 movies a month no matter what
9) See at least one film with the common people
8) Never buy theater popcorn again no matter how hungry I am
7) Drink way more than I do now
6) Finally admit that I enjoy Michael Bublé
5) Stop accidentally working out to Taylor Swift music
4) Overcome my fear of deep fryers
3) Elevate www.furyofthefilmfan.net to higher standards
2) Bring back Movie Nights once more
1) Be an overall nicer guy…except to that dumbass playing his Kazoo at 12:22 in the morning.

The NEW Fury of the Film Fan for 2010

2009-12-28T05:32:00.000-08:00

It’s been 2 years since I opened my first channel on You Tube. My videos have undergone drastic changes. From inserting a single image of the movie poster to creating an entire theater dedicated for movie reviews. Through it all I have been trying to dodge Copyright claims that ignore fair use laws and limit how I can present my video reviews to the audience. Add to this frustrating issue, the amount of time it takes to gather these videos, render them, edit them appropriately to my voice based on points I wish to highlight, it’s just too damn time consuming.
I’ve already learned early on that less is more and I have dropped the news and Q&A features on my channel. I realized I was spreading myself out too thin and in the end doing nothing productive. Fury of the Film Fan the You Tube Channel will strictly consist of movie reviews. That is it. Any thing else including pod casts and roundtables will be uploaded to my site only(those are ridiculously easy to do and surprisingly entertaining). The video reviews will be limited to 4 movies a month. That’s good for 1 major picture a week. The rest of the movie reviews will be written and again, on my site.
The video reviews are going through a little change. I recently purchased a high definition camcorder and will now be using real footage for my reviews instead of relying on studio-based kits. No, this does not mean I will show my face but I WAS considering wearing a mask. Everyone who knows me thinks wearing a mask is a bad idea so for NOW I will do something else using live video. I'll give you a hint. I was a big fan of Inspector Gadget growing up.

El Furioso SHALL RISE one day!
2010 is going to be the year I elevate this movie reviewing up a notch. With a new work schedule I will be able to attend more movie premiers, something I was struggling with working nights. That means you guys get the best spoiler free subjective reviews as possible and you can actually RELY on Fury of the Film Fan for your latest reviews. So huzzah! Let us bring forth a new year…now…I need to make those resolutions.

Excuse me but, you have some Herpes on you

2009-12-21T00:41:00.000-08:00

The other night I get a message from a friend letting me know she was starting a new blog. It was going to be called “Shaneisaherpesgivingmother…” I said, “Wow, that is quite the title, is it based on a true story?” She proceeded to tell me her ex boyfriend gave her the gift that keeps on giving. I stupidly asked,”How did you find out”? She said during their little session she got a sense that something wasn’t all too smooth in Shafttown and when the lights turned on saw she took a wrong turn and ended in Lumpyville. There was Mr. Happy smiling back in all its blisterous beauty. She freaked out and after a short domestic violence scene, denial settled in. She thought maybe she didn’t get infected because the session wasn’t that long. That idea was shot right out the window when one day taking a shower she felt what was described as a thousand razor sharp blades cutting across her Vag. Ouch.

She wanted to create the blog to ensure that everyone knew he was a disease giver. I said, "whoaaaa now slow down there you villainous valtrexing vixen, why would you go and do that when you have a boyfriend already? Not to mention how bad you’ll look yourself in the process of trying to out the guy." She thought about it and decided to make the blog anonymous. Her current boyfriend is tired of her getting all “crazy Spanish” on this guy but still decided to hang on to the relationship.I personally don't know how long that will last. My friend told me she was upset with herself and was always careful with other partners but put her trust in the wrong person in partner #14.

Well guys, this is my PSA for the day. Don’t ever trust the genitals. It is a treacherous environment that is only safe for established couples. You mess around and it’s like playing Russian Roulette man, eventually you'll shoot your privates off. Love your genitals and keep them secret…keep them safe.

Frodo knows how to keep it secret....keep it safe

Fury vs. The WORST critic on YouTube

2009-12-19T01:07:00.000-08:00

I recently made a video response (something I normally don’t do) against a movie critic called Vaughn Fry. He has a You Tube channel called Vaughn on Movies and its here where he proceeds to butcher up perfectly fine movies with his negative reviews. He rambles on and nitpicks on the most trivial things that do not affect the viewing experience in the least. He confuses Subjective and Objective all the time with his biased, slanted approach to film criticism. Worst of it, the guy thinks he’s just being honest.
The video response was triggered by a video he made against Grace Randolph the host of Beyond the Trailer. Grace was personally attacked and slandered by Vaughn where he attacked her work and personal life. Vaughn ended the video by stating why he is (in his own mind) the #1 movie critic on the internet.

Stupid Douchebag Movie Critic
I could have let this slide figuring he’s taking the heel approach to film criticism. Maybe he decided to become the Rowdy Piper in the ring that is movie reviewing but something about this guy just rubbed me the wrong way. It was a comment he casually left that stated he hosted a film festival and kicked out a worker because the guy didn’t like a movie that he did. I then realized this person goes beyond a simple movie critic and falls into being a complete fascist douche bag. I realize making a video about him only gave Vaughn the attention he was seeking but I believe it also warns more people about the guy.
Vaughn is a piece of day old drippy donkey turd. I really do not like the guy on a personal level. He personifies everything I hate in film criticism. People who feel they’re opinions are better than others because of some form of education. An education might teach you to write better, to form your thoughts more clearly but they can’t teach you common sense. I wish I could spar with the guy, the way Uwe Boll got a chance to against his critics. I would love to be in the ring with this guy and knock that goofy face around like a bobble head. I’m not wishing violence on the guy, just enough for the ref to call it.

Hungry...will make videos for food

2009-12-13T03:48:00.000-08:00

What is it about people on You Tube wanting to sell T-shirts all the time? Is it that profitable? I need to look into this because everywhere I look some guy with a somewhat decent subscriber base is trying to sell T-shirts. Personally, I can’t imagine why someone would want to wear a T-shirt that advertises someone else's channel. They should be paying YOU to wear their crap. For example; let’s look at Fred, the #2 most subscribed on You Tube. A little freak of nature. A kid who has surely sold his soul to the dark one for fame and fortune. This guy has thousands upon thousands of mindless drones who actually like his work.Fred's fans like his work so much they are willing to buy T shirts with that stupid Fred logo.Here's the kicker, So many people have supported this chipmunked sounding E-tard that he’s now gone commercial and spawned a Christmas CD. His videos are now professionally produced by people who I am sure are wondering where their career went wrong.Take a gander at the unwatchable and prepare to have your ears bleed

Ladies and Gentlemen that is the result of a poor idea going unchecked for far too long. Oh it started innocent enough with T-shirts, then Buttons. Now, it’s a Christmas CD and soon a movie.

I get that people are trying to market themselves the best way they can in that little niche they’ve found themselves slightly successful in but pushing people to buy stuff just looks desperate and pathetic. Selling things like T-shirts with your face on it, wristbands with your name on it, Buttons with clever slogans, it’s all just so damn annoying and whorish. So my advice is twofold. First for the video makers. If you’re hungry for money just slap a nice little pay pal donation button on your site and explain to people that helping with funds can help sustain a channel they enjoy. You’ll make more money this way instead of having to share the costs with the companies responsible for making those lame shirts. You’ll also look less like a whore. Instead you’ll appear as a high class "call girl" like Julia Roberts did in Pretty Woman. For the People; my advice to you is this. Don’t fall victim to these attempts at garnering financial gain by asking you to become walking advertisements. This is why I only wear solid colors and avoid Old Navy. Screw you Old Navy, nobody wants to wear your paper thin T-shirts with your logo across their chest.

$4.50 metro card comes with a free bum!

2009-12-07T21:36:00.000-08:00

One of the many things I hate about this city is the transit system; it’s the worst. The New York MTA system is a horrible series of buses and trains that are supposed to get you around the greatest city in the world. Problem is, you have to share that ride with everyone else. One of the risks you take when choosing to ride with the MTA is getting on a train or bus with a bum on it. When I say bum, I’m not referring to the homeless people who are in dire straits. I'm talking about the pure definition of the word. A loafer, A derelict, A hobo, people of questionable mental stability.
Every single time I get on the train I find one. I mean, where are they going? A lot of people say these homeless people don’t bother anybody and that’s flat out not true. The homeless sitting on the side of the street with clever signs describing their misfortune, THEY don’t bother anybody. The bums in the train…they bother EVERYone.
When I pay for something I expect a level of quality to come along with it. When I buy a movie ticket I expect people to be quiet.When I buy food I expect it to be delicious and fill my tummy and when I pay for a train ticket I expect a somewhat comfortable trip. These homeless people sit wherever they want selfishly stinking up the train. What amazes me is not how I’m guaranteed a bum in every train I get on but how people will deal with the sickening odor just for a seat! Yeah! apparently the hottest commodity in New York City is a seat on the train. People will sit there with their shirts over their noses rather than risk looking rude to their fellow New Yorkers whom they will never see again or worse, offend a crazy person.

Artist depiction of a typical subway ride in New York City

Me? I don’t risk it. New York is filled with crazy people off their medications. I have seen more than enough movies where crazy loons suddenly decide to slice up innocent people. Who knows if that bum you’re sitting next to has a gun and you suddenly remind him of the abusive father who molested him. Hell no, I’m not going out like that, at the hands of a bum. If I’m going out it’s at the hands of doing something courageous like saving a baby from a burning building or fighting off a shark. You ain’t getting me Bum!

Tiger Woods... I forgive you

2009-12-04T01:24:00.001-08:00

Dear Tiger,

Wsup man, I hope you’re doing ok. I heard on the news you crashed your car! People are saying you got into some kind of fight with your wife, c’mon man; you don’t ever get into a fight with a girl in a car. Look what happened to Chris Brown, nothing good ever comes of it. You want to get into a fight you gotta do it in the garage. It took you a while to say something, I guess it’s because people just wouldn’t leave you alone. I know how that feels. Sometimes when my kid asks for candy after the 20th time I can’t help but give him a piece to shut him up.
Well now people are saying you had all these kinds of affairs. Women are coming out everywhere saying they got a piece of that Wood. That has to be embarrassing. Did you honestly think these girls would stay quiet knowing how much money you make? What you should have done is gone to some backwater third world country where some bush girl with a big bone in her nose has no idea who you are. Then you went and apologized to the world for your actions? You don’t owe the world anything, all you do is hit small balls into holes. That’s IT. You didn’t cure cancer; you didn’t find a new energy source…all you do is hit small balls well.
So ..I forgive you Tiger Woods. We all know you work hard taking pictures all day and taking motion capture for those crappy Wii golf games. It hurt at first but I know you’ll do the right thing. You’ll stop your sexy scandalous ways and go back to promoting good ol’ fashioned family values.

Yours Truly,
Fury of the Film Fan

Fandango can suck it!

2009-12-02T04:25:00.000-08:00

I decided the time was right to purchase my Avatar tickets. I planned to see the movie in full Imax 3D in the Lincoln Square Imax theater in New York, One of the THE best Imax screens in New York. Ok, so I go on Fandango to make my purchase and right when I go to finalize my transaction I notice the total is a little higher than the normal ridiculous Imax price. Upon closer inspection I found a convenience charge of $4.50 attached to my total. WHAT??? I knew Fandango liked to charge a fee but that was always just $1. Now this website has the huge cojones(balls) to charge $2.25 a PERSON! A PERSON!!! This is BULL. I mean seriously, all I'm doing is clicking a button. It's not like some guy has to take my order, run up a hill, heat the carving stone on top of a pile of sacrificed first born goats and carve my ticket into a stone tablet!

Apparently my Avatar Ticket

It's not enough that an Imax ticket costs $18.50. It's not enough that popcorn and soda, the worlds cheapest form of junk food, costs more than eating a whole complete meal in a restaurant. Fandango isn't even charging per transaction it's per PERSON that is some wacky factacky bull crappy right there. So what am I gonna do? nothing...I'm too lazy to go to the theater in person and buy my tickets. So I guess I'll bend over and let Fandango smack me in the ass with a cricket bat while I say "Thank you sir may I have another!"

Danny Elfman Kicks Ass

2009-11-30T17:50:00.000-08:00

For those who don’t know I have been working the midnight shift for the past year. It has its pros, namely not having any bosses bothering you for 8 hours a day but it also has its cons. Without human contact for so many hours a day you start to go a little loopy. So while I’ve tried to keep my mind busy with anything Fury of the Film Fan related I noticed I’m just not all there. I can’t seem to get any decent sleep and I’m starting to feel like Christian Bale did in the Machinist, well, without the whole murderous guilt thing.
Recently a position has become available for the day shift. Some guy who has worked for the company way too many years is finally retiring leaving a nice open shift for my greedy little hands. I showed my interest in the position and my boss told me this morning that I am now being officially considered and will go through the details with me this week. Huzzah!
So to get my mind over the excitement I decided to listen to some music. Music helps calm my mood and lately I’ve been listening to classic cinema themes.I forgot how much Danny Elfman kicks ass. His music can make anything feel epic. I’ll give you an example. I have been following a youtube channel called CarlitoParadise for some time now. His interpretations of movies like The Matrix, Terminator 2 and Spiderman have to be seen to be believed. I don’t know what you call what he does, is he a dancing Doug Jones? Is this cinematic interpretive dancing? I have NO idea but it’s so ridiculous its genius. My favorite of his series is the Spiderman dance. I wonder how I would react if one morning I woke up to see some guy doing this on his roof.

Now just to show how much Danny Elfman kicks ass, I took that scene and slapped on the theme for Spiderman. Check out the difference!

I don’t know about you but I would LOVE to see a wacky Spiderman series starring this guy dance fighting a krumping venom or a salsa inspired Dr.Octopus.

Yup, Danny Elfman rocks…

Zombie Dreamin’ on such a winter’s Day

2009-11-28T23:55:00.000-08:00

Since the purchase of Left for Dead 2, I’ve been playing nonstop. I’ve played the game so much I have dreams about how I would survive a mob of flesh eating zombies with only a bat and my wit. I even find myself walking around my neighborhood wondering what would be the most secure location to keep Zombies away. Thinking survival has affected how I play the game. I’ll follow certain rules like those found in Zombieland. So when some kid decides to crawl back to a window while standing on the ledge of a building simply because he heard something, I can’t help but yell at him. I'll yell, “If something is trying to kill you and you’re standing on the ledge of a freakin’ building you haul ass!! you don’t stand around and lollygag!” Of course my rants are usually met with a quick vote kick off the server but I say GOOD! Who wants to play with a bunch of people who don’t know how to survive!?? Idiots…
So, what would Fury do if a real outbreak happened?
I’ll tell you what I would do. The first thing I would do is get my boating license. Once I got my boating license I would go straight for the keys and grab the biggest, nicest boat I could find with some fancy name like “Diversity” or “Atonement”. I’d take that boat and head straight for a remote island. I would head for an island because Zombies can’t swim and if they tried to walk underwater the current would make it impossible for them to get very far. Once on the island I would immediately start farming ensuring that I have a steady flow of fruits and vegetables. The zombies that would try to walk underwater would surely be consumed by the ocean so I would not be doing any fishing. The ocean will be filled with Zombie Sharks, Zombie Tuna and even Zombie crabs so seafood is out of the question.

Artist depictions of what Zombie Sharks and Zombie Crabs might look like

I will build a hut above a series of blocks that look like a pillar from a half played Jenga game. Although zombies can climb they can’t climb well so using my superior rock climbing skills I will have no problem staying above any possible danger. On the sides of my hut will be two towers where I can sit and snipe zombies or hippies. If the hippies make it passed my safe zone I will not worry, their presence will not last long. They’ll eventually turn on each other when I provide them with my biggest weapon. WEED. The inevitable paranoia that comes from smoking weed will cause the hippies to turn on each other and unleash the drama all yuppies are known for. I will once again rock climb my way to the top leaving the lazy hippies so hungry they’ll eat zombie crab. 3 days later I destroy the hippies.
I will have taken 2 books to keep me busy on this island. The Bible and The Origin of Species to keep me confused and interested.
After a few years the flesh of the undead will have decomposed to the point where even the fastest zombie can only crawl around. This is when I will travel BACK to where I live and claim the Riverwalk condominium building as my domain for the rest of my years.
Yup…got it alllll planned out.

Black Friday Sucks and so do YOU!

2009-11-27T04:26:00.000-08:00

Black Friday makes me think a lot about Fight Club. This system has people thinking they need all the garbage that’s on sale. Blu Ray players, flat screen tv’s, toys for kids. It’s the day retail hopes to make up for all the red they’ve endured throughout the year by selling you guys the crap nobody’s bought. For those who work retail and have to endure this unholy day, my heart goes out to you. Employees spend countless hours preparing the stores with kiosks and dozens of displays with clever eye catching displays and are then “expected” to come in hours early for this event. The icing on the cake is all the idiots that feel they are entitled to a great shopping experience at 5:00am from these people who just put in double and sometimes triple shifts. These moron shoppers will argue and threaten jobs just because they can’t find that 7inch digital photo frame for 50% off that was advertised.
I used to work in a Toys r’ Us. It was supposed to be a temporary job. I ended up staying there 5 months later than expected and next thing I knew it was November. I got stuck into working a Black Friday. I had NO idea what I was in for. I should have known I was in trouble when I left work the afternoon before and people were already lining up. When I showed up for work at 4:00am I saw a line that went down 2 blocks. As I got closer to my job people would ask if I worked in the store. I was like a celebrity asking not to be photographed from the paparazzi except without a security detail to protect my ass. I walked as quickly as I could into the store when people started chanting “let us in”. I kid you not.
Once those doors opened a wave of people ran in to get whatever toys were the hottest deals that year. Elmo, Nintendo games, board games; everything was being tossed, turned and thrown to the floor. Arguments broke out between mothers fighting for the last toy. Cursing and screaming right in front of their kids. Nice lesson you douchebags. The store was so crowded I couldn’t move around so I just stood still. People would ask me if I could help them find something and I would reply “Are you kidding me? I can’t even move!”
The defining moment for me was when some lady grabbed my arm and asked me if the doll she was holding could pee. It was as is everything just paused at that moment. This is what it had come down to. An ex skilled construction worker and allied craftsman who was forced into a career change due to a slipped herniated disc was now subjected to looking for dolls that could wet themselves. That day I quit.

Waste your money you robots! SPEND SPEND SPEND!

It angers me when I see stores inciting crowds with deals they could give any day of the year. It pisses me off knowing that the money people think they’re saving really is just because those items have inevitably dropped in price to make room for newer models coming in. It really just drives me crazy that every year people fall for the same tricks over and over. When will people wake up and realize they don’t need to be told they need this stuff on this day? If people stopped shopping on Black Friday you know what would happen? you would still see those deals on ANY other day.

The media will have you believe that it's our spending that gives the economy the boost it needs. Did you know the CEO's reap incredible benefits for bringing stores into the black? Meanwhile employees don't even get paid vacations or medical benefits.Wake up people! We don’t need to feel like we are the ones responsible for the way this economy has tanked. We don't need to feel like we need to spend, spend , spend! to make America great.

“This system makes us consumers, Bi-products of a lifestyle obsession" , "in the end the things you own end up owning you” –Tyler Durden
Amen to that…

What Fury of the Film Fan is thankful for

2009-11-26T10:57:00.000-08:00

It is Officially Thanksgiving! So what is Fury of the Film Fan thankful for? Well it’s 8:26am right now and I’m waiting for the family to wake up. While I wait, I’m remembering 7 years ago I had none of this. I had no family, I had no warm apartment, and I had no delicious dinner waiting for my ravenous hands. I was living in a cold moldy basement, alone and enjoying a turkey subway sandwich while playing Halo on my X-Box. I still remember how pathetic I felt. I lived in the middle of nowhere so I couldn’t even get to a Boston Market for a decent hot meal.
Flash Forward I’m the king of the world. I got a great wife, an amazing kid who makes other 4 year olds look like they need special needs and I’ve never been busier. So, here are 10 things I am most thankful for!

10) I am thankful that the zombie outbreak hasn’t happened yet.
9) I am thankful that the technology that allows me to reach into my monitor and slap people over the internet has not been invented for if it was I would never sleep.
8) I am thankful that I haven’t been mauled by a Chimpanzee
7) I am thankful I have a son and not a daughter, because after seeing Twilight it’s clear, women are crazy.
6) I am thankful that I am insanely well endowed.
5) I am thankful that Obama pardoned that Turkey.
4) I am thankful for the turkey I ate.
3) I am thankful for all my subscribers who keep it real and make the film fan community a great place
2) I am thankful for all my beautiful friends and for my ugly friends who make my beautiful friends even more special.
1) I am thankful for my family who I love more than anything in this world.

Hope you guys have a great day off and enjoy your holiday!

First official Blog on Blogger EVER

2009-11-25T03:44:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I didn't do this whole blogging thing earlier. This past year I have made it a personal goal to move away from video reviews and focus more on my writing, my original passion. The thing is, without my video reviews the traffic to my site is almost non-existent. So if I want people to see what I write I need to do the video reviews and thus forming a terrible cycle that shackles me like a sexy Princess Leia to Jabba the Hut.
This finally allows me to touch on one of the biggest gripes I had toward film critics. Through all their well worded reviews most people can't get an idea who these people are. People can’t feel where these critics are coming from, what are their likes and dislikes or even why they really hated or loved a film. I mean,Whose opinion are you going to value more? Your friend or some stuffy college graduate who failed in Journalism so now he bitches about the latest Michael Bay film? Your friend of course! because you know his likes and dislikes. Fury of the Film Fan wants to be your friend...unless you piss me off. Then I must destroy you.
It's my belief that in order to follow a critic you need to know that critic. This is why Ebert still maintains the status as #1 critic in the world because the guy has allowed people into his views over the years. You need to know who that person is otherwise whatever is written isn't worth a damn.
Trust me, I'll keep this all mostly movie related. I won't be blogging about my tooth brushing adventures. I live a pretty damn interesting life and almost always relate it to movies in one way or another and now you'll be able to see how. Understand this fellow readers, the thoughts of Fury of the Film Fan are not for the weak or easily offended. I will say things that are offensive and immature. I will say things that are perverse and disgusting, but most importantly I will say things that are brutally honest. In a world shrouded in lies and deception, honesty is damned refreshing.
So follow me fellow film fans, 2010 is just around the corner and a new era is upon us!

It Beings...

2009-11-24T11:24:00.000-08:00

This is now the official BlogSpot of Fury of the Film Fan.